Totally stealing a page from Paul and Amanda, the most excellent team behind the most excellent (and MOST NSFW) adventurotica.com to present this special movie-trailer-style preview of Digger’s new adventure.* Enjoy.
FADE IN on a city, sunset reflecting red off the underside of low dark clouds. A gigantic translucent dog licks the face of a translucent giant man.
COBALT CZAR (Slavic accent): Digger. Everyone’s hero.
Pan across the city to see the same tableau with giant dog and man taking place on the far horizon.
COBALT CZAR: Saved the planet while the world watched. Everybody knows him. Everybody loves him.
The COBALT CZAR, a seven foot tall blue giant with a bristly black mustache and barbarian topknot, slams his hands down on the arms of a chair and looms over the man sitting in it.
COBALT CZAR: I hate him!
FLEXO THOMPSON, THE AMAZING RUBBER MAN and DIGGER face off across a pedestrian mall.
FLEXO: I’ll have to take you in.
FLEXO: Why? Because you robbed a bank, for starters.
DIGGER: No, I didn’t.
FLEXO: A hundred eyewitnesses and the bank’s security videos say you did.
DIGGER: I’m innocent. I was set up.
FLEXO: Was it a shapeshifter?
FLEXO: Alternate universe doppelganger?
FLEXO: Mind control?
DIGGER: Not exactly.
FLEXO: So that was really you robbing the bank.
FLEXO: What language are you speaking right now? Because in English what you just said means ‘you robbed the bank.’
Digger runs across rooftops.
Digger looks in horror at a video screen.
On the screen is a man with a strange device clamped around his neck.
VOICE: You have 24 minutes to get to MCP Bank and rob the money from the teller’s drawers, or else I’ll detonate the bomb around this gentleman’s neck.
DIGGER: You can’t be… who is that, anyway?
VOICE: Nobody. That’s the point.
Digger leaps from rooftop to rooftop. Digger snatches money from cash drawers. Digger runs.
A man in a suit vaults over a car’s hood.
The same man talks to Digger in an alleyway.
TWAIN: You want to get back at the guy who set you up? I’ve got a plan.
DIGGER: Your plans always end up with me being humiliated while you get away with the loot.
TWAIN: Yeah, but the loot means the plan worked. The humiliation’s just a bonus.
A Chinese guy wearing metal armor hovers in midair while electricity arcs around his body.
Digger and Metalord sit side-by-side in a vehicle.
DIGGER: Can’t this thing go any faster?
Outside, we see that the vehicle is an ice cream truck, flying through the air.
METALORD: It’s an ice cream truck! It’s not built for speed!
Missiles home in on the truck as it tries to evade.
The Cobalt Czar stands framed in silhouette from the light coming through a doorway.
The Cobalt Czar, feet up on a table, puffs on a huge cigar and chuckles.
COBALT CZAR: I like you. I’ll kill you slowly.
DIGGER: Wait, what? Slowly, so I can suffer more?
COBALT CZAR: No, slowly so I keep you around longer. You funny.
Digger runs and dodges as a man in black leather runs alongside him, firing twin pistols. Digger drops to his knees suddenly as a baseball bat whizzes through the space where his head used to be.
A Mongolian man with a vertical scar twisting up his face and a white streak in his hair where the scar disappears into the hairline is engulfed in a howling vortex that reveals itselrf to be a ghostly monster surrounding him, mimicking his movements. He punches forward, and the ghost’s arm stretches out twenty feet to knock Twain down.
Some kind of huge advanced apparatus flies up and crashes through the roof of a laboratory. Through the hole in the roof, we see Metalord hovering in mid-air. The space between him and the apparatus is distorted by waves of magnetic force. He looks at the apparatus, then down at the people in the lab below.
METALORD: You know what? I’ve changed my mind. You can have it back.
He sends the apparatus crashing down into the lab. Explosion!
Digger leaps from building to building downtown, chasing a fleeing Twain.
Digger and Twain sneak through a darkened mansion.
DIGGER: You took care of the alarms, right?
TWAIN: He probably doesn’t even have an alarm system.
DIGGER: Probably? Don’t you know? What kind of villain are you?
TWAIN: Hey, I’m just as good a villain as you are a hero.
DIGGER: That’s not helpful!
Digger runs through a cave as a blue beam of destruction carves up the wall in his wake.
He has an elaborate goblet in his hand and splashes himself in the face with the liquid as he runs. The cave dissolves away and suddenly, Digger is running through a department store.
DIGGER (VOICE-OVER): Time travel never helps. It never helps!
Digger slams face-first on the ground. His eyes widen at a sound behind him, a combination of the growl of some large animal with a sound like water gurgling down a drain. He does his best Marty McFly slow-turn to look up at a huge allosaurus looming over him, its sharp teeth set in a permanent fierce grin. As Digger scrambles back in terror, the allosaurus looks down at his body, back over his shoulder, then back at Digger.
The flying ice cream truck fails to evade the missile and explodes! The fragments whirl in the air and form a patchwork of white armor on Metalord’s body.
Cobalt Czar crashes through a wall! Twain dodges attacks from Ghost Dragon! Digger battles a guy in a frog mask, who knocks him to the ground with a vicious kick!
FROG-BOY: You really are a douchebag.
A metal security door crumples and flies away at a gesture from Metalord! Cobalt Czar gestures, and a blue ray of death shoots from his hands, disintegrating anything it touches. A red ray appears from somewhere to block it.
Digger sits in the lush cabin of a private plane, talking to a pretty blonde named AMANDA. She smiles dazzlingly at him.
AMANDA: Can you fly?
AMANDA: Are you invulnerable at all?
DIGGER: Not that I know of.
AMANDA: You know what? We’re just going to fasten this really quick.
She reaches forward with just a trace of nervous urgency and clicks his seatbelt around his waist.
DIGGER: Wait, why?
There’s a shout from the next cabin, then the lights go out. The plane goes into a nose-dive.
Digger runs up a wall and across a high ceiling in a museum as guards shoot at him.
YOU’VE GOT TO…
Digger runs and then leaps into space.
Monday through Friday, starting October 3! Tell your friends!
* As this is a work in progress, we cannot guarantee every scene will appear in the final work.