Out of the Vault – Star Brand

In 1985, DC Comics, worried that new fans were being put off by the convoluted continuity of the company’s universe, decided to hold a company-wide event, the Crisis on Infinite Earths, as a way to reboot, and therefore simplify, their continuity. Sales were huge, and several declining titles were revitalized.

Marvel Comics had much the same problem: their comics had run like soap operas for 25 years, and the history had become insanely complex. But they decided to try a different approach to snagging new readers who might feel lost amid the jungle of Marvel continuity. Instead of rebooting the existing Marvel Universe, they simply started a new one while keeping all the old books in place.

The “New Universe” was posited to be exactly like ours, until one world-changing day, the “White Event,” that caused their paths to diverge. So New Universe titles would be more grounded, more concerned with modern problems and issues than regular Marvel titles.

And if the New Universe could be said to have a central book, a linchpin that held the universe together, that book would probably be Star Brand, written by Jim Shooter and illustrated by John Romita, Jr. and Al Williamson. Star Brand was Ken Connell, a normal guy who was bequeathed immense power by a dying alien crashlanded on our Earth, who first appeared to him as a mysterious old man.

Yes, the origin is completely derivative of Green Lantern, but the book itself had a more unique flavor. Ken’s powers were a sort of mix between Superman–super-strength, flight, invulnerability–and Green Lantern, as shown by the energy blast he generates during his first battle with another alien who has chased the Star Brand (the mystic tattoo that gives Ken his powers) to Earth.

But for all his powers, Ken was no Superman or Green Lantern. He had to deal with the real-world complications of superpowers, such as getting lost while trying to fly to a crisis.

I really like the idea that he doesn’t instantly know how to navigate in the air. But most interestingly from a character point of view, and what perhaps distinguished Star Brand the most from the normal run of Marvel books, was that Ken was kind of a douche.

He was working a dead end job reconditioning used cars, because he was afraid to go back to school and face bigger responsibilities and the possibility of failure. He was dating an older woman with kids, whom he was afraid to commit to. And on the side, he was always hanging out with Debbie, the hot girl next door who clearly had the hots for him. He never did anything sexual with her (that we saw), but he clearly got off on the attention and exploited her crush on him to get her to do stuff for him.

So it was potentially really interesting to see this irresponsible wad deal with this huge responsibility that had been forced upon his shoulders and maybe become a better person because of it. In the hands of a good writer, this could have been a great book.

Unfortunately, it was being written by Shooter. So, for instance, Debbie, who had such great potential as a character, turned out not only to be a kind-hearted girl with a crush, but also kinda retarded.

Yeah, that quacking? Not a one-time thing. She called herself Debbie the Duck and quacked in every scene she was in, usually more than once.

And then came the third issue, which had hardly anything interesting to the plot, included the basic Marvel bait-and-switch of substituting a crappy art team (Alex Saviuk and Vince Colletta, again) after the good guys had suckered you into following the title, and failed to offset these problems with any reduction in quacking. I gave up on Star Brand and the entire New Universe concept after that.

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Week 18.5 – Defcon 5

Previously: Digger fell unconscious after experiencing a brilliant insight into how to defeat Twain and the Cobalt Czar. And now…

When Digger came to, he was on a couch in the lavishly furnished den of what seemed to be a very expensive house.

“Welcome back,” said the white-robed woman as she drew her hands back from him. Metalord and the white-haired man stood nearby, while the Asian twins lounged on a couple of overstuffed chairs.

Digger sat up and realized that he didn’t feel any pain at all. “You healed me?”

“I took the opportunity while you were unconscious to do a more thorough job, yes,” said the woman. “You may be sore for a few days, though. You can call me Boon.”

“What, like you wear a coonskin cap and hunt grizzly b’ars?”

She cast a dismayed glance at Metalord and back at Digger. “No.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but Digger cut her off. “Wait a second, I was unconscious. Did I say anything before I passed out?”

“Like what?” Metalord asked.

Digger stood up and started to pace. “Like, I’d just had the most amazing… I had figured out exactly what I needed to do to solve my problems. I could see the entire plan at once, like a tapestry or something, and all I needed to do was capture it, separate out all the steps and figure out which one to do first.”

“But you don’t remember it now,” Metalord said.

“No,” Digger said.

“That was me, I’m afraid,” said the white-haired man. He stepped forward and offered his hand. “I’m Cortex. I’m sorry for the confusion, but you were getting a little wound-up there, so I overstimulated your nervous system. That epiphany you felt was just a side effect. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” said one of the Asian girls. “It’s funny to watch them get all excited, then pass out. Like watching drunks on Youtube.”

“So it wasn’t real?” Digger asked. “And you guys are the Defcon 5, right?”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]…”What’s the word where it’s like racism, only with twins?” “That’s not really a thing,” Metalord said. Hidari and Migi shared a knowing glance…[/blockquote]“It’s just ‘Defcon 5,’” Cortex said. “Why do people insist on putting ‘the’ in there?”

“Boon, Cortex, Metalord, and…” Digger looked questioningly at the Asian girls.

“Hidari,” said the one who hadn’t spoken yet. “And my sister’s Migi.”

“And B.B.’s not here yet,” Metalord said.

“Wait, there’s another one?” Digger asked.

“Of course,” Cortex said. “Why not?”

“Because that would make six of you,” Digger said. “You’re the Defcon 5.”

“Just ‘Defcon 5,’” Cortex insisted.

“Hidari and Migi are only super when they’re holding hands,” Metalord said. “So they only count as one.”

“It’s racist,” Migi said.

“It’s got nothing to do with race,” Cortex said.

“No, but what’s the word where it’s like racism, only with twins?”

“There is no such word,” Boon said.

“That’s not really a thing,” Metalord said.

Hidari and Migi shared a knowing glance.

“So you said something about the Cobalt Czar,” Cortex said.

“Yes,” Digger said. “It’s sort of complicated, but…

“I’m home,” called a voice from the entry hall. A hefty blonde woman entered the room. “What did I miss?”

Digger gaped at the woman. “Katrina?”

Who is Katrina and how does Digger know her? Find out next week (maybe) in the next exciting chapter of Run, Digger, Run!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 18.4 – Defcon 5

Previously: Metalord destroyed Professor Exotherm’s laser cannon as Digger was being rescued from the Professor’s headquarters. And now…

As the laser cannon crashed to the ground behind them, the girl flung Digger through the door. He shot toward the white-haired man in the jumpsuit, who dodged out of the way. Digger hit the ground and tumbled across the concrete into the street. Something snapped in his shoulder, and he screamed in pain.

He dimly heard the sound of the lightning renewing its assault.The agonizing pain in his shoulder threatened to blot out everything else, but then Digger was bathed in that blue-white glow again, and the pain receded.

“Why do you insist on hitting me with your lightning when you know it’s futile?” Digger heard Professor Exotherm’s amplified voice ask.

“You know your armor’s Curie Point, Professor,” Metalord shouted over the rush of superheated air and the crackle of electricity, “but do you know its melting point?”

Digger’s arm was grasped between strong hands. With a yank, something snapped into place in his shoulder. Digger registered pain, but within the comforting blue-white glow, it felt not quite real, like watching a movie instead of witnessing an actual event.

“I barely even felt that,” he said to no one in particular.

“You will tomorrow,” a woman’s voice said in an accent he couldn’t place.

An amplified scream was blotted out by a crash and an explosion. “Jeez, overkill much?” asked a younger female voice.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]“You know your armor’s Curie Point, Professor,” Metalord shouted over the rush of superheated air and the crackle of electricity, “but do you know its melting point?”[/blockquote]“It’s Cole,” answered a man’s voice. “That’s what he does.”

As the glow faded and Digger became more aware of the world around him, he saw that the warehouse headquarters of Professor Exotherm had collapsed into a pile of stone and twisted steel. Flames spat up from the wreckage.

Metalord made a wobbly descent and crashed to the ground near Digger and the others. His armor fell off. Underneath, Cole Chen’s face was flushed, and he was soaked with sweat. The sleeveless T-shirt and gym shorts he wore under the armor were also soaked. “Damn, that was close,” he said. “It was getting pretty hot in there.”

Digger struggled to his feet. Still coasting on the rush of the faded glow, he ignored the twinges that promised major pain tomorrow. “Are you crazy?” he shouted. “You almost killed me in there!”

“Oh, come on,” Cole said. “You’ve survived worse than that.”

“When I had my powers,” Digger clarified. “I’ve lost them all.”

“Who’s this guy?” asked one of the Asian twins. Their uniforms were not identical, Digger realized, but mirror images of each other.

“Says he’s Digger,” Cole said.

“Shouldn’t he have things on his arms?” asked the other twin.

“What part of ‘lost my powers’ slipped by you there?” Digger asked. “Are you all morons?”

“Just calm down, son,” said the white-haired man, putting a hand on Digger’s shoulder..

“The hell I will,” Digger said. “I need help with the Cobalt Czar and…”

And suddenly he saw exactly how Twain and the Czar could be beaten. It was all so simple and so beautiful. All he had to…

Digger fell to the ground, unconscious.

What has happened to Digger? And just how did Cole manage to defeat the Professor? Join us tomorrow for our next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 18.3 – Defcon 5

Previously: Metalord battled Professor Exotherm inside a waterfront warehouse, with Digger–now without his superpowers–trapped on a burning staircase, as the professor’s laser cannon burned a swath of destruction through downtown San Francisco. And now…

Once again, automated nozzles dropped down from the rafters and aimed a stream of foam at the burning stairs. Digger stumbled back up the stairs, away from the heat and fumes.

Metalord extended his hands and once more, lightning arced from him to the professor.

“You fool! You truly are grasping at straws!” Professor Exotherm boomed. “I already told you, your lightning just makes me stronger.”

“Not stronger,” Metalord said. “Just hotter.”

As stray bolts arced to random places in the room, the light bulbs in the fixtures overhead exploded in a shower of sparks. The nozzles sputtered and stopped as the alarm klaxon gave a final squawk and fell silent. Above their foam-drenched base, the wooden stairs burst into flame once again. “It’s hot enough in here already!” Digger yelled.

“Oh yeah,” Metalord said, shutting the lightning off. He turned toward the open doorway and called to his teammates. “Hey, save this guy, will ya?”

As the lightning crackled down again, the Asian girls ran in holding hands, surrounded by a soft blue-white glow emanating from the white-robed woman.

“Stronger! Hotter! There’re both the same to me!” the professor said, seemingly unfazed by the deadly energies crackling all around him. The floor around him glowed red-hot, going almost white just under his feet.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]Though the girls were small, probably less than five feet tall, the offered hand was huge, as if Andre the Giant’s hand had been grafted to the arm of a 14-year-old child. “Your hand’s really big,” Digger said…[/blockquote]The twin girls leapt gracefully up to the second-story landing, still holding hands. The girl nearest Digger turned toward him and said, “Grab my hand!”

She extended her free hand and Digger jumped back an inch. Though the girls were small, probably less than five feet tall, the offered hand was huge, as if Andre the Giant’s hand had been grafted to the arm of a 14-year-old child. “Your hand’s really big,” Digger said.

“I said grab it, not critique it!” the girl yelled.

There was a loud pop, and a crackle. Digger turned and saw sparks bouncing off the inside of the force field protecting the laser cannon, and then the blue beam shut off as the field flickered and disappeared.

“Not quite the same,” Metalord said and gestured up with his hands.

The laser cannon ripped from its moorings and leapt into the air as the professor screamed in protest and shot a wave of pure heat at Metalord. Metalord swooped behind the laser cannon, which started to melt under the onslaught. In the sky beyond, the glittering blimp exploded as it was touched by that strange tendril of bursting smoke and fire.

Digger’s arm was grabbed, and he was yanked away. The girls, still holding hands, leapt from the landing toward the door. They soared across the cavernous warehouse room dragging Digger behind like the tail on a kite. Waves of heat washed up from the floor, though enveloped in the white glow, Digger couldn’t feel it as intensely as before.

Distantly, he heard Metalord’s voice say, “You know what? I’ve changed my mind. You can have this back.”

As Digger looked back, he saw the laser cannon hurtle down at the professor.

Is the fight over? Find out tomorrow in the next exciting chapter of Run, Digger, Run!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 18.2 – Defcon 5

Previously: Metalord and Digger were facing Professor Exotherm as he fired his laser deathray at a disco ball blimp. And now…

A dozen, no, a hundred beams flashed down from the reflectors on the side of the blimp. Digger could hear the distant sounds of dozens of explosions in the city beyond the walls of the waterfront warehouse.

Metalord landed on the roof and put a hand to his ear. “B.B, go for the blimp!” he said, then ducked out of the way of a heat blast from the professor.

“You can’t stop it now!” the professor shouted at the empty hole in the ceiling. Digger heard a series of explosions so quick they almost sounded like a giant piece of cloth ripping. In the sky beyond the hole, he saw that weird explosive tentacle arch up toward the distant blimp as the professor continued to gloat. “The synchronized micropulses allow the cannon to fire while the shield stays up. Your human reflexes can’t possibly keep up!”

Metalord appeared from another direction and held his hands out toward the laser cannon as if he could pick it up from 50 yards away. “Yeah, but there’s no force field protecting the steel flooring, idiot.”

The steel plates under the cannon warped with a groan that shook the walls. The plates lifted a couple of feet in the air, then stopped and trembled in the air as Professor Exotherm laughed even louder. [blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]The heat radiating from the floor plates was so intense that Digger’s hair was starting to flutter in the breeze from the hot air rushing up past him. He had to get out of the building, but the floor was getting so hot that he didn’t dare run across it…[/blockquote]“Those plates don’t just conduct electricity. They’ve absorbed the heat from my battlesuit. As they near their Curie point, your magnetism can’t overcome their mass.”

The plates and the cannon dropped to the floor again with a BOOM that echoed from the walls. The heat radiating from the floor plates was so intense that Digger’s hair was starting to flutter in the breeze from the hot air rushing up past him. He had to get out of the building, but the floor was getting so hot that he didn’t dare run across it.

“You see now how overmatched you are?” Professor Exotherm gloated. “It’s not just my armor. This entire building is a weapon against you. Can you feel that hot air rushing past you, heating up your armor? You’re probably starting to feel dehydrated and weak. And in a few minutes, your armor will get so hot that even your magnetic powers won’t be able to hold you up any longer. You’ll fall onto the hot steel plates, and then you’ll be easy prey. You’ve lost.”

The front doors burst in with a crash. Outside, Digger could see two petite Asian women in matching suits, a white-haired man in a blue jumpsuit, and a dark-skinned woman, Indian or Middle Eastern or something, in a white robe. They all flinched back from the wave of heat that washed out at them. The base of the steps burst into flame and Digger stumbled back and up to escape the fire.

“Ah, your teammates are here just in time to see you fall, Metalord,” Professor Exotherm boomed.

“Enjoy this feeling while it lasts,” Metalord gasped, “cause you’re going down in about three seconds.”

How can Metalord be so confident? And how will Digger survive? Be here tomorrow for the next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 18.1 – Defcon 5

Previously: Digger and Metalord entered Professor Exotherm’s waterfront headquarters to stop his plan to destroy downtown San Francisco. And now…

Digger stumbled to the railing on the second floor walkway. He could feel his skin beginning to parch from the heat boiling off the evil professor’s armor.

“How can that destroy downtown?” Metalord asked. “It’s pointed at the sky.”

Just then, the blimp flew into sight from the hole in the roof, far up in the sky and far out over downtown. A glittering mesh unfolded from the top, covering the sides of the gasbag with reflective squares. The blimp now looked like a giant flying disco ball.

“Once the laser strikes those reflectors, its power will be spread across all downtown! In fifteen minutes, the city will be virtually flattened!” Professor Exotherm’s amplified laughter boomed throughout the warehouse. “And best of all, the control button is inside my armor, where you can’t tamper with it.”

The energy cannon began to hum to life as lights flickered on across its control consoles and power readouts.

“Interesting,” Metalord admitted, “but there’s one thing you’ve overlooked. You’re wearing metal armor against a man with magnetic powers.”

Metalord reached out his hand and closed his fingers into a fist, as if crushing a can. Nothing happened.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]“My armor is heated past its Curie point, fool! It’s non-magnetic! I am immune to your power. But you are not immune to mine!”[/blockquote]Professor Exotherm’s laughter boomed even louder. “My armor is heated past its Curie point, fool! It’s non-magnetic! I am immune to your power. But you are not immune to mine!”

He pointed his hands at Metalord, and once again, the air between them rippled with immense heat. Digger flinched back from it and looked around for an exit. To his left, a stairway led down. Digger headed for it, hoping that Metalord would refrain from using his lightning long enough for Digger to get across the metal floor to the exit.

Metalord swooped behind the force field protecting the energy cannon. He kept the field between them as Professor Exotherm stomped around, trying to get a clear shot.

“Yeah, it sure looks like you’ve covered all your bases,” Metalord shouted over the sound of the laser cannon building energy. “Armor proof against my powers and a force field protecting your doomsday weapon. Still, you’ve overlooked a few things.”

“Like what?” the professor boomed.

Digger flinched back against the wall at the foot of the stairs as Exotherm stomped past him. Digger turned his face to the wall and threw an arm over his eyes. The waves of heat radiating from Exotherm made his eyes hurt, as if the tears were being boiled away. The breath was short in his lungs, and the perspiration that sprang up all over his body offered little relief.

“Like, the energy field that protects your cannon from me protects the city from it,” Metalord said. “You’ll have to drop the field to shoot, and when you do, I’ll squash it like a juice box.”

Professor Exortherm’s amplified chuckle rattled Digger’s ears and chilled his bones. “Will I?”

A beam of blue lanced out from the laser cannon into the sky. Digger looked up and saw the beam strike the blimp’s reflective sides.

That’s not good? Will Metalord find a way to defeat Professor Exotherm? Join us tomorrow for the next explosive episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Super Movies: Adventures of Captain Marvel, Chapters 2-4

Continuing our recap of the very first onscreen appearance of a comic book superhero, Republic Pictures’ Adventures of Captain Marvel from 1941. As Chapter 1 ended, Betty and Whitey were in a car on a bridge that had been bombed. As with Superman, this is very often the cliffhangers’ solution to the problem of an invulnerable hero: put the supporting cast in danger.

But before we get to the rescue, there are two changes from the opening chapter. Number one, the cast members no longer get individual cameos during the opening credits, and two, we now get these artsy recap stills.

As Chapter 2, “The Guillotine,” begins, Betty and Whitey are still trapped in the car, which plunges into the river below. And rather than insert a shot of Captain Marvel saving them both before the car plunges, the serial actually plays it straight by having Captain Marvel save them after the car has fallen into the river. Then he runs out of sight and changes back to Billy as they’re coming to.

The three rejoin the rest of the party, which stopped to make sure they were all right. And just to make sure we know who the stars are, the line when they arrive is, “Why, it’s Billy and Betty! With Whitey!” Poor Whitey is even a guest star in his own life.

As the British army routs the attacking natives, the archaeologists decide to head for America. One quick steamship montage later, they’re home. But all is not well. As Billy is making his radio broadcast of the expedition’s adventures (yes, the serial did preserve one other element of the comics–they kept Billy Batson’s secret identity as a radio personality), the Scorpion is listening in, along with his chief henchman, Barnett.

Barnett is played by Kenneth Duncan, a veteran movie heavy whom I will always associate with this tidbit from Rudolph Grey’s biography of Ed Wood, Nightmare of Ecstasy. I quote: “Kenne Duncan’s nickname was ‘horsecock.'” More than you probably wanted to know, I’m sure.

Barnett’s discussion with the Scorpion reveals that the masked villain is one of the members of the archaeological expedition. So not only does he have the Golden Scorpion and the scroll, but he also has one lens already. He orders Barnett to kidnap one of the other members on his way to a meeting with the others.

So as Professor Carlyle is on his way to the meeting, Barnett’s assistant thug jumps into his convertible and draws a gun. Remember this, kids: convertibles are dangerous.

They force Carlyle to drive to their hideout, an office building with an odd accessory: a guillotine. No, not just a guillotine. An electric eye which fires a stun ray, which drops you onto a conveyor belt which carries you under a guillotine. Which just makes you ask, how and why?

I mean, most deathtraps are found items: You lock somebody in a garage with a running car, or you repurpose an incinerator used to burn trash for burning an inconvenient witness. Occasionally, you may build a dedicated piece of equipment that you install inside a room.

But this is different . They didn’t put a guillotine in a room; they built the room around the guillotine. Anyway, they threaten to throw Carlyle in, so he tells them where the lens is: in a safe to which only Betty has the combination. Barnett orders Carlyle to write Betty a note.

When presented with the note, the members of the expedition (that’s an awful lot to type out every time–I shall henceforth call them the Lensmen) unanimously vote to give the lens to the Scorpion to save Carlyle’s life. But after the group disperses, Billy tells Betty he has a plan.

The plan is for Betty to leave an empty box at the Elm Street Bridge for the thugs while Billy and Whitey sneak out of her car to watch for whomever picks the box up. Then they’ll follow the crook back to Carlyle (no idea how, since they have no car).

Doesn’t matter, because they get caught by three of the Scorpion’s men. And for a comedy relief sidekick, Whitey’s a scrapper. One of the men tries to run away, and Billy chases him down. They both crash through the flimsy railing off the bridge onto the dry creek bed below. The thug is knocked out, but Billy’s okay. He changes to Captain Marvel to mop up the other thugs.

And here’s something interesting: a little behind the scenes tidbit. In the Superman serial, when they showed bullets bouncing off his chest, they just added in cartoon bullets. In this one, they actually shoot Tom Tyler in the chest.

You can see that he’s wearing some sort of protective plate under his shirt. I’m not sure what they’re shooting him with: little pellets of talc, or maybe pieces of chalk, but they produce a small puff of smoke or dust when they strike. You can see traces of the dust behind Tyler’s head, and whatever they’ve shot him with is shown ricocheting away.

Moments later, after the thug throws his gun away and jumps in his car, we see the white marks left on Captain Marvel’s shirt from the fake bullets.

Captain Marvel flies after the car and rides on its roof to the the building where Carlyle is held. The thugs threaten Carlyle again when they discover the empty box, but Captain Marvel smashes in through a window and a fight breaks out.

He shrugs off a few more bullets, then throws some thugs around. Carlyle decides to join in the fight as well, tackling one thug and taking his pistol. Barnett whacks Captain Marvel with a chair, knocking him sideways into the guillotine corridor, where he is zapped and falls onto the conveyor, heading toward the deadly blade.

Leading us to Chapter 3, “Time Bomb!” As Barnett and Carlyle shoot it out (these professors don’t play), the guillotine falls on Captain Marvel. But unlike most serials where the hero rolls out of the way in the nick of time, the blade hits and breaks on his invulnerable chest.

On the plus side, it wakes him up, just in time to see Carlyle shot. Carlyle mumbles that he knows who the Scorpion is, then dies.

Later, Betty tells Billy that she’s going to retrieve Carlyle’s lens. The Lensmen believe the Scorpion would never suspect Betty (even though she’s the only one with the combination to the safe). Billy asks her to take his car with the two-way radio and calls Whitey to ask him to shadow Betty. The Scorpion listens in on Billy’s call from outside the door.

Whitey waits at Elm and Fourth (right next to a bridge, though not the same Elm Street Bridge we saw before). But Betty gets diverted through a fake detour. The thugs force her to drive up into a huge moving truck blocking the road and take off with her before Whitey can see what’s happening.

But Betty thinks quickly and turns on the two-way transmitter while talking to one of the thugs about where they are. Billy hears the conversation in his office. SHAZAM!

Captain Marvel flies out to find the moving truck, and just in time, because the thugs have knocked Betty out and jumped out of the truck to another car, leaving the truck to run off a cliff. And we can see one reason why Captain Marvel flies so well; he’s got these little hair wings on the sides of his head.

He spots the truck and takes off in pursuit, which leads to one of the best flying effects shots in the entire serial. Captain Marvel is shown flying after the truck in real time, with both of them on screen at once.

Captain Marvel saves Betty and changes to Billy Batson before she comes to. His new plan: to beat the thugs to the remote lodge where the safe is by flying there in his plane. Seriously: first a car with a built-in radio, and now a plane. Billy Batson has all the cool toys.

Betty, of course, tells the Lensmen about the plan, which means the Scorpion now knows. So he telephones his guy at the airport and orders him to install the “atmospheric exploder” on Billy’s plane.

Luckily, his henchman is very organized, though I can’t tell whether he has the device filed under “A” for “atmospheric exploder” or “B” for “bomb.”

However, Betty was listening in on the extension as the Scorpion made his call, so she calls Whitey and asks him to get in touch with Billy to warn him that the bomb will go off at a minute past eight. At just that moment, Billy is arriving at the airport and takes off in his pretty badass plane.

Whitey calls him on the radio. Unfortunately, our very organized hitman has cut the wires, so Billy doesn’t hear the call. The plane explodes.

Leading to Chapter Four, “Death Takes the Wheel.” Billy discovers the cut wires and splices them just in time to hear Whitey’s warning. He transforms to Captain Marvel and jumps out in the nick of time. We get a glimpse of visible wires in the rear projection shot.

So the Scorpion finally has Carlyle’s lens. But he’s unhappy that Batson has survived, so decides to set a trap for him. Billy finds a curious metal scorpion sculpture in Carlyle’s study, which he presents to the Lensmen. They determine that it had to have come from a specific curio shop and send Billy to investigate. The scene is written so that all four Lensmen participate in the decision; it is not obvious which one is the Scorpion (and it’s no good trying to identify his voice, because all of the Scorpions lines were dubbed in by radio actor Gerald Mohr).

So Billy heads for the curio shop of Orientalist Chan Lal. Hmmm, I wonder if he’s in any danger?

Chan Lal lures Billy down to the basement where the Scorpion’s thugs are waiting to knock him out and tie him up. Meanwhile, Betty is investigating the truck that was used to kidnap her. She traces it to a garage, where the owner tells her it was rented under a fake name and never returned. But as she’s leaving, she sees one of the thugs who kidnapped her pulling in, so she secretly follows him and listens in as they talk about capturing Batson.

And I know this is long, but just a brief side note: it’s sad that Louise Currie (originally from my hometown, Oklahoma City) is such a bad actress, because the part gives her some interesting things to do. But as played by Currie, Betty’s only interesting from the knees down; Currie had some nice calves.

Betty runs to the phone to call someone for help, but the bad guys catch her. So as Billy is changing to Captain Marvel and escaping, Barnett is ordering the guys at the parking garage to kill Betty and make it look like an accident. Captain Marvel beats up the thugs and threatens to impale Barnett on a bed of nails unless he tells where Betty is. And BTW, Tyler is a pretty strong guy, holding Kenne Duncan over his head while delivering dialogue.

The bad guys discuss using paint remover to knock Betty out, then load her in a car and send it down the ramp to crash. But Betty breaks free, jumps in the bad guys’ car and smashes through the wall of the secret room they’ve got her in. But the impact knocks her out.

So now she’s unconscious in a car speeding down the parking garage ramp, which is exactly what the bad guys planned to do to her. On the plus side, she saved them some paint remover.

Continued next week…

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Out of the Vault – Marvel Premiere #50: Alice Cooper

MarvelPremiereAliceCooperCoverOne thing Marvel did in the 70’s to fight falling market share and become more relevant in the mainstream culture was to chase trends. When UFO’s were hot, they did alien books. When Satanism and demon possession grabbed the spotlight in the wake of The Exorcist, they created supernatural heroes like Ghost Rider and Son of Satan. When disco was hot, they created a disco heroine.

And for those whose musical tastes leaned away from disco, they did a comic book featuring KISS in 1977, and in 1979, this odd issue of Marvel Premiere starring Alice Cooper. Marvel Premiere was an anthology series devoted to introducing new characters, or trying out supporting characters from other series in their own starring vehicles.

Although there are no credits on the story proper, the editorial page that replaces the letter column gives the credits. The issue was scripted by Ed Hannigan from a plot by Alice Cooper, editor Jim Salicrup and Roger Stern, with art by Tom Sutton and Terry Austin.

I bought this issue because I was curious. I had heard of Alice Cooper for years and had even seen him appear on TV, on an episode of The Snoop Sisters, a short-lived mystery series about two old ladies who solved crimes. I was intrigued by his persona, which seemed as if it might have an interesting story behind it. But I didn’t much like his music, so I didn’t want to pay for a whole album I might hate. Instead, I paid 40 cents for the comic, hoping maybe it would clue me in to the whole Alice phenomenon.

It didn’t, really. The splash page informs us that the story is titled “From the Inside, based on the album of the same name with songs by Alice Cooper and Bernie Taupin. As the story opens, Alice is trying to escape from a mental institution when he is caught by Nurse Rozetta, who has orderlies restrain him and throw him in the Quiet Room (cue song).

From there, Alice narrates in flashback how he came to be a prisoner in the ward, due to a case of mistaken identity.

MarvelPremiereAliceCooperCar54

And here in a nutshell is what disappointed me about the issue. Alice Cooper was supposed to be some creepy, scary guy, you know, Welcome to My Nightmare and all that. But in this issue, he’s not only the most normal person in the issue, but he’s the sort of goofy, cowardly hero in what ends up being a not-very-funny comedy featuring cameos from characters over ten years out of date.

Seriously, if you’re going for Alice Cooper’s target audience, why feature cameos from the cast of Car 54, Where Are You? (the two cops above), a series which hadn’t aired since 1963? Other cameos featured Archie, Fearless Fosdick from Li’l Abner, and freaking Alley Oop.

The other factor which kept the story from really clicking was its reliance on the album for inspiration. Most of the characters in this panel have their own songs, for instance.

MarvelPremiereAliceCooperCharacters

But for instance, Millie and Billie on the lower left, who hang around in the background, otherwise only have one lame gag to justify their existence. This is the most boring collection of oddballs you’ve ever seen.

Alice finally escapes the asylum, discovers that his loony almost-namesake is running for President, spouting nonsense to swooning crowds almost 40 years before Obama won the same way. Alice is caught and thrown back into the Quiet Room with his pet snake, Veronica (woefully underused–what this story seriously needed was more Veronica). In the editorial page, the editors hinted that they would make Alice a regular series if fans clamored for it.

They didn’t. And it’s easy to see why. There was hardly enough story to justify the one special issue. There was certainly nothing intriguing enough about the character or compelling about the story hook to make readers want more.

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Week 17.5 – The Crash

Previously: Digger met Metalord, who was in the process of battling robots constructed by an enemy named Professor Exotherm. Together, the two heroes flew over the professor’s warehouse to learn his ultimate plan. And now…

Below in the cavernous space of the warehouse, an energy bubble glowed. And within the translucent shimmering field was what looked like a giant energy cannon aimed at the empty sky. Metalord and Digger hovered motionless over the empty warehouse until Digger said, “Dude, put me down. I hate flying.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Metalord lowered them down to land on the warehouse floor, twenty feet from the energy bubble. “I don’t see any booby traps, do you?”

“No,” Digger said, looking down at his feet. He had expected a wooden floor in the warehouse, since the pier was suspended on pilings, but there was steel plating underneath his feet. “But then again, they wouldn’t be obvious.”

“Yeah, I’m going to try this anyway.” Lightning arced out from Metalord’s hand toward the energy bubble. The bubble rippled as the energy cascaded over its surface. A large tendril separated itself from Metalord’s bolt and struck the metal floor.

Digger screamed as pain jolted through his body. His muscles tensed all over, worsening his whiplash. He came to in mid-air, being lifted up to a second floor walkway made of wood.

“Sorry, guy,” Metalord said as Digger was lowered onto the walkway. “Lightning is not one of those things you can really aim.”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]Lightning shot out from Metalord’s hand and struck the armored figure. The Professor’s amplified laughter pounded at Digger’s ears as his armor glowed even hotter. “Is that the best you can do?”[/blockquote]Digger didn’t bother trying to answer. Pain throbbed through his neck, chest and back, and he knew it would be even worse tomorrow. Being normal sucked.

“Guess I’ll call Cortex and see if he has any ideas how to shut this thing down,” Metalord said, putting a hand to his right ear. “Hey, you guys about done?”

A wooden door to one side of the room suddenly exploded inward. Flaming shards skittered across the floor as amplified, distorted laughter echoed through the cavernous space. A huge man in lizard-like armor that glowed red-hot stomped into the room, his heavy boots clanking loudly on the steel-plated floor. “Don’t bother, Metalord. You can’t stop me.”

“Professor Exotherm,” Metalord said. “I can’t believe you’d be stupid enough to actually face me again.”

Lightning shot out from Metalord’s hand and struck the armored figure. The Professor’s amplified laughter pounded at Digger’s ears as his armor glowed even hotter. “Is that the best you can do?” the Professor exulted. “I came prepared for you this time. My new armor is made from thermoelectric alloys. They convert your lightning bolts to heat. Your attacks only make me stronger, fool!”

Professor Exotherm aimed his hands at Metalord, and the space between them rippled with impossible heat.  Metalord flew up and out of the path of that wave of destruction. The wall beyond him exploded into flame, which was immediately doused by a hiss of foam from nozzles embedded in the ceiling. Alarm klaxons added to the noise pounding at Digger’s ears.

“You should have used your influence with the City Council to pay the ransom, rather than wasting time attacking me,” Professor Exotherm said. “Now they will pay the price. My energy cannon will destroy downtown San Francisco!”

Exactly how does Professor Exotherm plan to destroy San Francisco with a weapon aimed at the sky? Is he an idiot or what? Find out next week as Run, Digger, Run! continues with Week 18: Defcon 5!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 17.4 – The Crash

Previously: Digger’s rented car crashed into a giant robot. He was rescued from death by a mysterious flying man in black armor. And now…

The man landed a few feet away from Digger. “Are you okay, sir?” asked a muffled voice.

Digger felt a twinge in his neck that promised greater pain later: whiplash. He ignored it. “Yeah. Are you Cole? I’m Digger.”

The visor on his helmet flipped up by itself to reveal a handsome Chinese face. The eyes were a little disturbing: clouded with silver, the gaze just a bit too bright. He smiled, and the metal segments making up his gauntlet peeled away to reveal his hand as he offered it to shake.

“Metalord. It’s nice to meet you, even if you are one of Kevin’s friends,” He glanced down at the hand he was shaking. Then over the sound of the headless robot’s renewed thrashing, he shouted, “But aren’t you supposed to have things on your hands?”

“Long story,” Digger shouted.

“Excuse me.” Metalord turned to the robot and mimed the actions of a man wadding up a piece of paper. The robot’s body crumpled and buckled. Sparks shot from the places where its metal skin tore open. Hydraulic fluid pooled underneath the bestial machine as it collapsed in on itself. When Metalord was done, all that was left was a crumpled ball of metal sitting in a reeking pool of viscous syrup the color of urine.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]“Professor Exotherm.” Metalord aimed a hand at the copter. Electricity arced around his hand, and then lightning shot out toward the copter, which dodged away. “Mad scientist. You know.” Digger didn’t know…[/blockquote]“Noise was getting on my nerves,” Metalord said. One of the dragonfly copters passed overhead, pursued by the cluster of explosions that left a smoky tendril in its wake.  When the noise had subsided, Metalord asked, “So how was your drive up?”

“It was okay,” Digger said. “A little… Aren’t you in the middle of a battle?”

Metalord sighed. “Yeah, I guess we oughta mop up the Professor. Want to come along?”

“I don’t know,” Digger said. “I’ve kind of…”

“Course you do,” Metalord said. Digger felt something wrap around his waist and then he was pulled into the sky by the strip of aluminum Metalord had wrapped around his waist.

They soared upward and turned toward the waterfront and the derelict pier. The long warehouse-looking building that sat on the pier looked long abandoned. Its white walls were stained and peeling, and the boards over the windows were weathered and gray. But from the air, Digger could see that the roof was in good condition and looked to have been recently patched.

Except for the part that had been replaced completely with two large fiberglass doors–doors which were now swinging open.

“Who are you fighting?” Digger shouted as one of the dragonfly copters buzzed toward them.

“Professor Exotherm.” Metalord aimed a hand at the copter. Electricity arced around his hand, and then lightning shot out toward the copter, which dodged away. “Mad scientist. You know.”

Digger didn’t know. “What’s he planning?”

“I don’t know,” Metalord said. “Cortex keeps track of that stuff. I just hit what he tells me to.”

They flew forward over the building, until they could finally look down into the opening in the roof at what lay below.

What is inside? And what does this have to do with Digger’s pursuit of Twain? The answer to the second question is, “Probably not much,” and the answer to the first question is, “Join us tomorrow to find out in the next thrilling episode of Run, Digger, Run!

To read from the beginning, click here

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