Super Movies – The Incredible Hulk, Part 2

Posted on April 8, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Continuing our recap of The Incredible Hulk starring Ed Norton and Liv Tyler. But first, I mentioned last week that this film departs from the Ang Lee film in several ways to draw more inspiration from the 70’s/80’s TV series starring Bill Bixby. And one other way in which it does that is structure.

The TV series had a simple structure that it almost never deviated from. As David Banner tried to help the Guest Star of the Week with the Problem of the Week, he would turn into the Hulk twice: once at the halfway point, and once at the climax.

This film added to that with an action opening to introduce the monster, but barely showed glimpses of him in the dark. Now we’re halfway through and finally getting our first real look at the Hulk as he battles Ross’s troops on the college campus.

And although I briefly talked about the differences between the Hulk in this film from the Ang Lee version, I want to show it with pictures. Industrial Light and Magic created the Ang Lee Hulk, and made him mostly smooth-skinned and a bright emerald green. There are twenty layers of effects you really can’t see in this shot trying to make this Hulk as completely realistic as possible, but they don’t quite pull it off.

And here’s the Hulk from the later film, created mostly by Rhythm and Hues.

There’s a hell of a lot of detail in this shot: fine lines and wrinkles, pores, blood vessels showing through translucent skin, stubble, yellowed teeth with a tint of green. And grain. I’m not sure why–maybe it’s a purposeful effect to match the grain of the live action film stock, or maybe it’s just light scatter from all the pores–but beyond all the veins and striations, this Hulk just seems grainy, like fast film in low light. I don’t entirely like the effect, like grit in my eyes.

So now the soldiers attack in earnest with rifles and vehicle-mounted .50 cals. When those don’t work, super-Blonsky comes running in, with a nice physical effect meant to suggest super-fast running speed. He does all kinds of acrobatics around the Hulk, but his bullets can’t hurt the beast. Then he leads Hulk into the kill zone of two sonic cannons, but Hulk overcomes their force as well. Then Blonsky faces off against him again, and we see one way in which this Hulk has maintained continuity with Ang Lee’s: he’s big.

Blonsky taunts the Hulk, so Hulk kicks him across a field, shattering nearly every bone in his body. Next, Betty approaches Hulk, who starts to calm down. But then a helicopter gunship attacks, so Hulk downs it in a big, fiery explosion, which apparently sets off the sprinklers, because it starts to rain.

Hulk flees with Betty to a cave, where she manages to calm him down enough to sleep. The next morning, he’s Bruce again. They find a cheap motel, where Bruce suffers a bout of PTSD in the shower, flashing on the guns that had been firing at Hulk before. Like the begging scene earlier, it’s a well-done moment that illustrates the ongoing pain of being the Hulk, and I wish the film had explored this more. Betty brings back clothes as Bruce is coughing up the flash drive with the data. Betty thinks the Hulk has Banner’s good heart inside and perhaps can be dealt with on some level, but Banner just wants him gone. Bruce contacts the mysterious Mr. Blue to set up a meet.

Meanwhile, the General is using S.H.I.E.L.D. to monitor e-mail traffic, and they find out where the meet will take place. So they put a team together to intercept, including Blonsky, who has not only recovered from his injuries thanks to the super-soldier serum, but had a second round of juicing up. Which has unfortunately left him with a little back trouble.

Although they don’t mention it directly in this film, I’m thinking this relates to the scene in Captain America: The First Avenger where Erskine mentions that the serum makes you more of what you are. Blonsky is obviously a monster. Also, a bit of trivia: although the Captain America movie changes the name of the doctor who creates the super-soldier serum to Erskine, the label on the vial that Ross uses on Blonsky is the original comics name: Reinstein.

After a couple of misadventures to avoid detection and some comedy relief in a cab, Bruce and Betty meet Mr. Blue, who turns out to be Samuel Sterns, a cell biologist who is just a little bit too interested in the power of the Hulk. But he tries the antidote he has developed, after he has induced Bruce to Hulk-out with a little electroshock therapy.

The antidote works (and in a nice touch, it’s once again the eyes which signify the start of the change, turning blue to herald Hulk’s change back to Banner), not only turning Hulk back to Bruce, but slicking his hair back as well.

As they’re discussing the results, Sterns reveals that he has created dozens of batches of blood containing Banner’s secret ingredient and begins waxing rhapsodic about curing diseases and whatnot. Bruce insists they destroy it all, to keep Ross from weaponizing it. Which is when Ross’s snipers hit Bruce with tranq darts and Blonsky bursts in. Ross leaves with Bruce and Betty in custody, while Blonsky stays behind to force Sterns to inject him with Banner blood.

Sterns happily obliges, although he brings up the possibility that the interaction between Banner’s blood and the super-soldier serum Blonsky already has could create “an abomination.” Which it does. Blonsky smashes up the lab and knocks Sterns down. A bit of Banner’s blood drips down into an open wound on Sterns’s head, causing Sterns’s head to warp (and setting up a possible sequel down the line featuring the Leader).

And from here on, it’s just pounding and whatnot, because Blonsky is now a completely monstrous Abomination…

With his ribcage poking through his chest and shit. He starts smashing things up, and Bruce realizes the only force strong enough to oppose him is the Hulk. So now Bruce has to do what he has been completely opposed to throughout the film: become the Hulk voluntarily, in order to use him as a weapon.

Hulk and Abomination spend 20 minutes grainily pounding on each other and everything around them.

The fight finally ends when Betty stops Hulk from breaking the Abomination’s neck (and in a truly bizarre twist, Abomination doesn’t suddenly jump up for one final attack after being beaten). But when a helicopter appears and shines a spotlight down on Hulk, he runs away, mimicking Bruce’s earlier parkour chase across the rooftops of Brazil instead of taking the miles-long leaps of Ang Lee’s Hulk.

So the story’s over, except for two postscripts. In the second and more popular one, Tony Stark appears to tell General Ross about a team being put together (to foreshadow this summer’s Avengers blockbuster).

But the other one is more interesting: in a remote cabin in British Columbia, Bruce Banner is once again working on the meditation techniques he was using when we first met him in Brazil. But where he was previously trying  to learn how to keep from turning into the Hulk, he seems to have a different purpose now.

I’m guessing that this foreshadows a Hulk more like the later comics versions, where Bruce Banner could control the changes and even retain his own intellect and personality. And if the Avengers tie-in toys are any indication, a Hulk who also talks. We’ll all find out soon.

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Out of the Vault – Paper and Ink

Posted on April 7, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Late post coming in, not to talk about any specific comic, but about the changes in the physical product since I started buying comics in the late 1960’s. When I was a kid, comics were still considered a throwaway product. Every now and then, you had a story in the news about someone selling a copy of Action # 1 or Marvel Mystery Comics #1 at exorbitant prices, but there were three reasons the prices were so high.

First, most people threw comics away when they got tired of them, so there were few copies of those early comics still remaining.

And second, comics were flimsy items. Every time you read a comic, you imparted creases to the cover and loosened the cover against the staples holding it on. Storing comics flat crushed the folded sheets in one direction or the other, causing “spine roll.” Even the oil from skin could discolor pages and pull ink off covers.

And third, to keep costs down, comics were printed on cheap, acidic pulp paper, which was not durable in the least. So even if you didn’t throw your comics away, and kept them upright in plastic bags and acid-free boxes, they would still disintegrate over time.

When I do the scans for Out of the Vault, I color-correct almost every image to compensate for faded inks and yellowed paper.And no matter how gently I handle them, some of the oldest comics feel like they’re just disintegrating in my hands as I lay them on the scanner.

For instance, here’s a raw scan of a Superboy page from 1972 featuring pencils by the underrated Bob Brown (who was supplanted by Dave Cockrum as related in last week’s Out of the Vault) with inks by Murphy Anderson. This comic is 40 years old and showing its age. Cover price: 25 cents, soon to be reduced to 20 as they dropped back-up features and reduced the page count.

In the mid- to late 1980’s, both Marvel and DC began using brighter, less acidic paper, along with replacing their printing presses. The first results of this change were garish and awful, but eventually they worked out the bugs. The new paper and new presses made the product cost more, but also made the books more durable.

Here’s the raw scan of a scene from Legends #5, in which John Byrne and John Ostrander make fun of Marvel’s New Universe character, Star Brand (who was considered by some to be a simple rip-off of Green Lantern). Cover price: 75 cents (triple the price of the comic from 14 years earlier).

Not only are the colors brighter, but the book will likely survive longer, because of the lower acid content in the paper.

Next, we see a much more modern comic, Image’s Firebreather #4 from April 2003. See how bright and vibrant everything is. It’s not just the difference of 30 years, but also a result of Firebreather being printed on heavy, glossy paper stock with high-quality printing techniques. In another 30 years, there is no way the Firebreather comic will be as fragile and faded as the Superboy comic is now.

But that vibrancy and durability comes at a cost. The cover price for Firebreather? $2.95, almost 12 times the cost of that Superboy comic from 30 years earlier. And prices have only continued to increase since then.

And see, here’s the thing. When I was a teenager, I wished comics would get more respect and better treatment. I remember thinking how awesome it would be if DC and Marvel comics could be printed with the same expense and attention to detail as Heavy Metal magazine was. Teens today have what I could only dream of then: glossy, high-quality stock, expensive printing with amazing computerized coloring effects.

But when I was a kid, I could have bought Marvel’s entire line off the stands every month for the price of two comics today. And I’m not saying the changes in the market are entirely bad, but the changes in the price and the product reflect a fundamental shift in the market itself, what the product is and who it’s marketed to. And I’m kind of sad that my 11-year-old daughter can’t share that experience with me, of running to the corner store with a dollar and coming out with a soda and two or three comics to while away the afternoon.

God, now I feel so old.

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Week 25.5 – We All Scream

Posted on April 6, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Previously: Digger and Metalord defeated the Chinese government supers sent to capture them and were flying above Shanghai in a stolen ice cream truck. And now…

“So this Ghost Dragon,” Digger said. “What’s his deal?”

“We didn’t really get into specifics,” Cole said. “The gist was that we might not even get close to the Czar, cause this other guy is so tough.”

“You think he was telling the truth?”

“I don’t care if he was telling the truth,” Cole said. “I’m not real scared of what those bozos think is super-tough.”

“Well, at least you’re confident,” Digger said.

Cole nodded and did his best to lean back in the seat. “Yeah, why don’t you grab us a couple of popsicles or something from the back? It’s going to take a couple of hours to get there.”

“Sure,” Digger said. “What fla…”

The truck rocked as bullet holes ripped through the floorboards in back, punching out through the roof.

“Damn it,” Cole said. “I should’ve expected that.”

Digger looked out through the window on his side to see streaks of light–tracer shells–deflecting off to the side of the truck and streaking up past them. “Expected what?”

“Anti-aircraft fire,” Cole said. He sat up and checked the rear view mirror. “And now here come the SAMs. Seriously, you think these guys would learn.”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]“But brilliant’s bad for us, isn’t it?” Digger asked. His stomach lurched as the ice cream truck shot upward…[/blockquote]Digger was pressed back against the driver’s seat as the truck accelerated through the air. He gripped the steering wheel tightly as he looked in the rear view mirror to see two curling tendrils of smoke pursuing them. The steering wheel couldn’t actually do anything useful in the air, but it gave his hands something to do. The inside of the truck reeked of brake fluid and vanilla as the smoke tendrils drew closer.

“They’re catching up to us,” Digger said.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Well, can’t you make this thing go any faster?” Digger urged as more tracers shot up and around them.

“It’s an ice cream truck! It’s not exactly built for speed!” Cole said. “Cut me a little slack, here. I just flew us across the Pacific and beat the crap out of two Chinese supers. I’m a little tired.”

“Well, figure something out, because they’re getting closer,” Digger said.

“Relax,” Cole said. “They’re metal, which means even if we can’t outrun them, we just go to Plan B and I destroy them from here.”

He flicked his hand up dismissively, then looked more closely at the rear view mirror. “Hm.”

“What’s ‘hm?’” Digger asked.

“The missiles are emitting some kind of coded electro-magnetic pulse that blocks my magnetism,” Cole said. “It’s pretty brilliant, actually.”

“But brilliant’s bad for us, isn’t it?” Digger asked. His stomach lurched as the ice cream truck shot upward.

“Oh yeah,” Cole said, still watching the missiles in the rear view. “Can’t outrun ‘em, can’t deflect ‘em. Which means Plan C.”

“Which is?”

The driver’s side door ripped away from the vehicle at a gesture from Metalord, followed immediately by the driver’s seat with Digger still strapped to it. As he plummeted toward the ground, Digger saw both missiles strike the truck, which exploded spectacularly.

Rock, meet hard place! How will Digger survive the fall? Join us for the next exciting chapter of Run, Digger, Run!

To read from the beginning, click here…

Posted in Run Digger Run | 4 Comments

Week 25.4 – We All Scream

Posted on April 5, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Previously: Digger and Metalord were escaping Shanghai in a flying ice cream truck when they were trapped inside a force field. And now…

The truck bounced inside the softly-glowing enclosure as it hit the ground and rolled. Their impact with the ground was soft, though, as if landing on soft padding, and the truck came to rest upright. “Hey, we landed standing up,” Digger said. “That’s one in a million.”

“One in one, actually,” Metalord said. He got out of the truck and stared at the walls. “I stood us up with my powers.”

Digger got out, too. “What did we land on? It felt soft.”

“What we landed on was a force field that absorbs energy.” Metalord ran his hand across the wall. “My magnetism can’t act through it, and my lightning doesn’t affect it. I barely got out of it last time.”

“How?”

“I split my armor into a hundred pieces and hit the field as hard as I could in as many places as I could. Overloaded it, and it burst.” Metalord’s fingers crackled with electricity where he touched the wall. “Feels stronger now. Good thing I’ve got a whole truck to work with this time.”

“Wait, that’s my truck,” Digger said.

“No, it’s not.”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]He and Cole had a brief conversation in Chinese, then they bowed to each other. The man gave Digger an embarrassed nod, then lifted gently into the sky…[/blockquote]“Well, I’m the one who stole it,” Digger said. “Which makes it more mine than yours.”

“Fine,” Metalord said. “You get us out.”

Digger thought for a moment, then said, “Okay, fine, use the truck. What should I do?”

“Get under it,” Cole said, his silvery eyes crackling. Digger felt the hairs on his neck raising. The small enclosure smelled of ozone and hot oil. “Between the mass of the freezer and the mass of the engine, I should be able to pop this thing like a balloon.”

Digger crawled under the truck, feeling his skin crawl as Metalord’s power built. Then a voice from outside yelled something in Chinese. “What’s that?”

“He’s asking me not to break out,” Metalord said. “Says he’ll let us out if we promise not to attack.”

“Sure,” Digger said, scrambling out from under the truck.

Metalord shouted an answer, and the glowing walls dissolved.The rotund man Digger had hit with the truck stood just outside, looking miserable. His uniform was dirty and scorched and stained with blood where it had been pierced by shrapnel. His face was bloody, with one eye swollen nearly shut. He and Cole had a brief conversation in Chinese, then they bowed to each other. The man gave Digger an embarrassed nod, then lifted gently into the sky.

“What was that about?” Digger asked as he slid into the driver’s seat of the truck. “I mean, he catches us, then he lets us go?”

“He’s saving face,” Cole said as he sat in the passenger seat. “By catching us again and then voluntarily letting us go, he can say we didn’t beat him.”

“But we would’ve,” Digger said.

“I would’ve.” Cole corrected as the truck lifted off. “But it’s better this way. He had some information about the Czar. Seems he’s got some sort of super-lieutenant or enforcer or something. Someone called the Ghost Dragon.”

Who or what is Ghost Dragon? Join us tomorrow for our next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here…

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Week 25.3 – We All Scream

Posted on April 4, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Previously: Metalord was fighting Bu Shou (Catcher) and Shi (Stone) for his freedom from Chinese prison. And now…

Shi strained against the mass of metal glued to his arm, held back by the force of Metalord’s magnetic repulsion. The huge glob of metal sealed around his right hand groaned, and then began to stretch into a teardrop shape as Shi’s stone hand pushed through it.

Metalord tried to reshape the metal to the front of Shi’s hand again, but it was clear such a tactic would not work for long. Shi was immensely strong and relentless. Stone didn’t get tired. Soon, his hand would rip out of the metal shell restraining it, and Metalord would be in trouble.

The only thing that didn’t fit was the music that had suddenly started to play and grew gradually louder. It was a jingling song, like from a music box, playing a sprightly tune at about three times normal speed. What kind of music was that for a life-or-death struggle?

And then, from around the corner of the nearby hangar appeared an ice cream truck, driving fast. Shi glanced at the approaching truck, then did a double-take, and his concentration wavered. In that instant, Metalord had him.

He commanded the metal cudgel on the end of Shi’s arm to hit him in the face, hard, three times, as he shouted “Stop hitting yourself!”

After the third hit, Shi fell to the ground,unconscious. His grey face bore an uneven crack down the middle. Cole started to turn toward the approaching ice cream truck, but noticed Bu Shou rising slowly to his feet, his uniform smoldering where the lightning had struck.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]He commanded the metal cudgel on the end of Shi’s arm to hit him in the face, hard, three times, as he shouted “Stop hitting yourself!”[/blockquote]“You think you can beat me?” Bu Shou slurred, his left eye swelled almost shut where a flying piece of armor had struck him. “I’m ready for you now. You won’t take me down again. And will somebody turn that bloody mu…?”

The truck spun into a bootlegger reverse that smacked Bu Shou with the rear end in mid-sentence. He tumbled across the tarmac, hit Shi’s raised earth trail and flipped into the air before landing almost fifty yards away.

Digger leaned out the passenger side door. “Get in and let’s get out of here,” he said.

“I told you to go to the hotel,” Cole said.

“Yeah, I didn’t,” Digger said. “Get in before they get back up.”

Colr looked at the two fallen heroes: Shi motionless and cracked, Bu Shou on all fours and shaking his head like a drunken dog. Maybe he didn’t want to run away yet. Maybe he wanted to keep fighting and beat them definitively.

But there were more where they came from, and he and Digger had somewhere else to go. “Fine,” Cole said and climbed into the passenger seat as Digger scooted back onto the driver’s side. “But I’m driving.”

“What do you…?”

The ice cream truck rose into the air and shot west, flying low over the city.

“No, damn it, I hate flying,” Digger said.

“But you shouldn’t,” Metalord answered. “Statistically speaking, it’s safer than…”

Glowing walls materialized around them, and they fell.

Will Metalord be able to defeat Bu Shou? Join us for the next exciting episode of Run, Digger, Run!

To read from the beginning, click here…

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Week 25.2 – We All Scream

Posted on April 3, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Previously: As Digger and the girls made their escape, Cole Chen was trapped in a glowing force prison by an official Chinese hero. And now…

Shi Ying Xiong, the Stone Hero, turned to his companion and smiled as the glowing shapes enclosing the policemen dissolved, freeing their captives. Flecks of grey broke from Shi’s skin and sifted down from the lines in his face. “Did you change your mind, Bu Shou?”

His companion had called himself Shen De Bu Shou, the Divine Catcher, before the Chinese government had recruited him to be a national Hero.  His official title was now Jin Huang Ying Xiong, Golden Hero, because the term Divine was frowned upon in the People’s government. But among friends, he preferred his personally chosen name. He shrugged and flipped black hair out of his eyes. “I didn’t change my mind. I just told him what he wanted to hear so he would be easier to catch.”

“You lied.”

“Not a lie. A strategy.” Bu Shou smiled at the glowing dodecahedron enclosing Metalord. His eyelid twitched.

“A lie is a lie.”

“Calling it a lie implies the victim deserved the truth,” Bu Shou replied.

“Did he not?” Shi pressed. “I’ve heard you say the same thing about fighting our own kind over politics many times.”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]The glowing prison exploded in a flash of light and whizzing shrapnel. Bu Shou grunted and fell to the ground. Shi stood his ground as shards of metal struck sparks off his impenetrable body…[/blockquote]“Yes, but we’ve already let two defectors escape this month,” Bu Shou said. “We need a win to keep us from being arrested ourselves, I have no problem giving them some arrogant American invader for that.”

His eyelid twitched again.

“What’s he doing in there?” Shi asked.

“He tried hitting it a couple of times, and now he’s trying lightning.” Bu Shou chuckled. “Now he’s not doing anything. Pouting, probably. I’m disappointed. If this is the best America has to offer, why don’t we just…”

The glowing prison exploded in a flash of light and whizzing shrapnel. Bu Shou grunted and fell to the ground. Shi stood his ground as shards of metal struck sparks off his impenetrable body.

Cole Chen stood in a sweaty T-shirt and shorts. The various bits of his armor whirled in the air around the three men.

“Dammit!” Bu Shou groaned, bleeding from several deep cuts. “That hurt, you…”

As he lifted his hand, he was struck by lightning from Cole’s fingers. He screamed in agony, even after Shi cut the assault short by punching Cole through the wall of the nearby hangar.

Shi rode his earth wave past his friend who lay twitching on the ground. The metal hangar wall twisted outward like a flower blooming to let Cole stroll out. “You know, I was willing to talk like a civilized person,” he said. “But this is fun, too.”

“It won’t be fun for long,” Shi said in a voice like two boulders scraping together. He shrugged off Cole’s lightning bolts as he advanced. He drew his fist back to punch the American and end this travesty quickly.

Metal from Metalord’s armor suddenly attached itself to his fist, first a small strip, then more and more. Soon, there was a massive wrecking ball on the end of his arm, held frozen in the air.

The battle is on! Be here for our next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here…

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Week 25.1 – We All Scream

Posted on April 2, 2012 by Tony Frazier


Previously: Twain was knocked out by a mysterious assailant, and in China, Metalord was about to encounter his first Chinese supers. And now…

Starting the car had been surprisingly easy for Digger. He had never hotwired a car before, but on television, it always involved stripping wires and splicing them together. Digger had merely held the two wires and the car started right up, as if it knew what he wanted it to do and was eager to please.

As the car neared the exit from the airfield, the steering wheel in Digger’s hand began to shimmy, and a rumble grew in volume that sounded like the clatter of an endless line of giant dominoes.

Digger saw a man gliding along the street like he was riding a Segway, but as he entered the gate, Digger saw he was surfing a small swell of earth that continuously burst up from under the tarmac like a narrow wave that never grew high enough to break. No, not surfing; just standing straight, with his arms crossed as if he were waiting impatiently for the world to deliver him whatever he desired. The man tossed a small nod to the smoked windows of the car as he passed.

“Do you think Cole will be okay?” Digger asked.

“Of course he will,” Amanda said. “He’s crazy powerful, you know.”

“I guess,” Digger said as he turned out onto the street. “Still, maybe I should leave you guys the car and go back and help him.”

“What would you do?” Tiffany asked. “Hotwire that guy?”

***

Metalord looked up from the glowing dodecahedrons and saw a man in a green uniform–trousers bloused over shiny black boots, jacket buttoned all the way up to the neck–descend from the sky. And just like you could often identify people by their walk, Cole had noticed that people flew according to their personalities. BB propelled herself through the air with the force of an endless chain of small explosions, while Metalord shoved himself through the air at his target in slashing straight lines.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]And just like you could often identify people by their walk, Cole had noticed that people flew according to their personalities…[/blockquote]This guy drifted down, like a balloon that was leaking helium, and stopped inches above the ground, hovering gently with a small smile on his face. He was chubby like a balloon, too, the seams of his uniform straining to hold him in. The man opened his mouth to say something, but it was drowned out by the rumble of the second arrival, a man riding a swell of earth like he was on a moving walkway at an airport.The second man wore the same uniform, but instead of being shiny, his boots and the bottoms of his pants were covered with a thick coat of dust. His face was grim and his skin was grey. The rumbling subsided as he came to a stop beside his partner.

“Greetings, comrade,” said the floating man.

“Have you come to arrest me?” Cole asked.

“Of course not,” the man said. “Why should we fight our own kind because of politics?”

“Exactly,” Cole said.

“Then again,” the man said, and suddenly Cole was enclosed in a glowing shell. “Why not?”

Will Metalord become a prisoner of the Chinese? And if so, how will Digger get to Mongolia? Join us tomorrow for our next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here…

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Super Movies – Ivan Reitman’s Watchmen

Posted on April 1, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Watchmen, Universal, 1989

Most fans know about the unreleased Fantastic Four movie that was made by Roger Corman’s New World studio, or the unaired Justice League TV pilot starring David Ogden Stiers as Martian Manhunter. There are plenty of low-quality bootleg copies floating around conventions, and you can even find them posted on Youtube.

But the one fewer people know about, the real Holy Grail for hard-core comics fans and lovers of bad film, is Ivan Reitman’s adaptation of Watchmen, produced in 1989 for Universal but never released. Jess Nevins, author of Heroes and Monsters, the definitive annotated guide to Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, has said, “Lost and unlamented, its happy ending was an abomination made worse by Dr. Manhattan’s German accent. It’s no wonder Reitman has destroyed all available copies.”

But at least one copy survived, a tape apparently made from the final answer print (a print of the finished movie made for final approval before release prints are struck).  I recently got a chance to borrow a rare bootleg from a writer friend of mine. The movie looks to have been digitized from a third or fourth generation VHS tape, so the quality sucks.  I apologize for the few bad screencaps.

Producer Joel Silver and Lawrence Gordon had been developing Watchmen for 20th Century Fox, and had tossed around Terry Gilliam’s name as one possible director. Through a complex series of events, the project somehow ended up in turnaround and got snapped up by Universal, who (apparently thinking the project was a comedy, perhaps because of Gilliam’s name) somehow got Ivan Reitman to take the project on the heels of Ghostbusters II, another big-budget special-effects heavy comedy. The film was rushed into production immediately, and it shows.

The opening credits set the tone, with theme music by Elmer Bernstein that sounds like Wagner crossed with Mancini–bombast with bongos. The screenplay is credited to M.D. Hans, who has never received another credit. This has led some to speculate that it’s a pseudonym, perhaps derived from the “M. Hands” and “D. Hands” pseudonyms Marvel used when comics were inked by multiple people. If so, then the true identity of the screenwriter remains unknown, though speculation has ranged from Reitman to Harold Ramis to Neal Israel and Pat Proft to Alan Moore himself (which might help explain why he has so fiercely distanced himself from film adaptations of his work ever since).

The film opens with two bumbling police detectives, played by Jeffrey Jones (Howard the Duck) and veteran character actor Dick Miller, investigating the murder of Edward Blake, who was thrown from his window to the street below. They are harassed by a crazy street person wearing a sandwich board advertising the end of the world (Kevin Bacon).

The street person returns that night as Rorschach, now wearing a trenchcoat and fedora with a scarf covering his mouth and nose which bears a Rorschach ink blot. Bacon apparently demanded the change in costume, believing that his eyes were necessary to sell the performance, and Reitman agreed. This has led to Bacon getting a pretty bad rap, but let me just say, even though he’s kind of stiff in the role, he’s still better than Reitman’s rumored first choice for the role, Bill Murray. My God, you think it’s a train wreck now? Just imagine how bad it could have been.

Rorschach discovers that Edward Blake was none other than the Comedian (Burt Reynolds, seen in flashback), a retired hero himself.

Yeah, it's as bad as it looks

So he begins by investigating the Comedian’s arch enemy, Moloch (Dean Stockwell).

Only as he’s questioning Moloch, he is interrupted by Moloch’s daughter, Jennifer (Jami Gertz), who angrily tells him that her father couldn’t be behind it, because he has terminal cancer and is too weak to throw a man through a window. Rorschach, clearly caught by surprise at the girl’s fierce verbal assault, apologizes and leaves.

Beware my Rorschach mouth!

He instead begins to visit his fellow heroes, all former members of a team called the Watchmen, of which the Comedian was a member. He first visits Daniel Dreiberg, a.k.a. Nite Owl (John Cusack), and warns him that if someone knew the Comedian’s identity, then the rest of them might be in danger.

Nite Owl accompanies him to a secret military facility to see Dr. Manhattan (Arnold Schwarzenegger, still maintaining the lean look he sported for Red Heat) and his fiance Laurie Juspeczyk, the Silk Spectre (Lea Thompson). It’s apparent that Dr. Manhattan neglects Laurie, and just as apparent that Nite Owl has a secret crush on her (not so secret, given Cusack’s stuttering performance).

Rorschach then goes to see Ozymandias, the world’s smartest man (Val Kilmer). He runs into Jennifer Moloch in the lobby of Ozymandias’s building. Jennifer, determined to prove her father innocent, has been tracking a company called Pyramid Investments, which seems to be connected to Ozymandias. Rorschach suggests they work together, and though reluctant, Jennifer agrees.

Rorschach and Jennifer meet Ozymandias, who admits a link to Pyramid, but dismisses their concerns. Kilmer’s performance as Oymandias is odd, even for him. He plays Ozymandias as slightly autistic, a savant who’s so smart, he can barely deal with people at all. Ozzy mentions that Sally Jupiter, the original Silk Spectre,  might hold a grudge.

Laurie and Dr. Manhattan argue at a restaurant during dinner over how he neglects her. Laurie storms out and runs into Dan Dreiberg as she’s walking home. They fight muggers and end up kissing; the only thing funnier than John Cusack’s stunt fighting is Lea Thompson’s.

Rorschach calls Dr. Manhattan to ask for Laurie, but Manhattan tells him she is with Dreiberg.  Rorschach and Jennifer decide to go themselves to visit Laurie’s mother, Sally Jupiter (Shirley Maclaine, in a hilariously foul-mouthed turn). Her alibi checks out, given that she is sick and lives in a nursing home.

And it turns out that her “grudge” against the Comedian was that he was Laurie’s father and had never been a part of her life. She wouldn’t have killed him over that; she was still hoping that he would come around and accept his responsibility.

As Rorschach leaves to get the car, Sally mentions to Jennifer that she should ditch the trench-coated creep for somebody better, like Ozymandias. He’s rich and has a good heart. His Pyramid Corporation does wonderful charitable work, helping rehabilitate ex-cons.

Meanwhile, Laurie is at Dan’s apartment, where they are making out preparatory to sleeping together. Things don’t go well, and Laurie ends up deciding not to. This is one of the better scenes in the movie, where the comedy actually works as intended. Laurie tells Dan she has feelings for him, but first, she needs to try to fix her relationship with Dr. Manhattan. Dan is unhappy, but understands.

Jennifer and Rorschach return to Rorschach’s apartment, which definitely needs a woman’s touch. She convinces him to take off his mask before convincing him to take off everything else.  After they have sex, Rorschach gets a phone call from Moloch, who tells him he has new information, but he needs to come alone. Don’t bring Jennifer.

When Rorschach arrives at Moloch’s apartment, he finds him dead, shot through the head. A smoking gun lies on the floor near the door, but when Rorschach picks it up, the police burst in. There’s a fight and a chase over rooftops, but eventually, Rorschach is captured and arrested.

Laurie returns to the apartment she shares with Dr. Manhattan and confesses the affair to him. He seems to have little emotional reaction to this (Schwarzenegger can play emotionless pretty well), which makes Laurie mad. When she suggests they split up, he tells her they can’t split up yet. They’re not on Mars. This non-sequitur makes her even angrier and she storms out.

Jennifer, upset that Rorschach has ditched her, returns home to find police cars and her father’s dead body being wheeled out. Meanwhile, Dan answers a frantic knock on his door to find Laurie, soaking wet from walking in the rain. She kisses him wildly and they end up in bed.

In prison, Rorschach gets a visit from Jennifer, who tells him she hates him for killing her father. As he walks back into the cell block, devastated, he is threatened by one of the crooks he put away, the diminutive Big Figure (Danny DeVito). In one of the only times an actual line from the comic is used, Rorschach tells DeVito, “I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with me!”

Dan and Laurie have been searching for exonerating evidence, but the only clue they’ve found is that both the Comedian and Moloch seem to have received payments from Pyramid. When they ask Ozymandias about this, he acts confused, like he can barely remember his own name. Something’s obviously wrong.

As they’re leaving, Dr. Manhattan appears and whisks Laurie away to Mars, where he tells her he loves her and wants her back.  She finally convinces him that they are better apart, and he says he understands. Oh, and by the way, funny thing: he decided to check Moloch’s DNA to prove a theory he had about criminal tendencies being genetic. He didn’t prove the theory, but he did prove that the dead man was not Moloch. Schwarzenegger often struggles with comedy, but his delivery of the final line, “Weird, huh?” is perfect.

Laurie reappears next to Dan and tells him they have to bust Rorschach out of prison. Meanwhile, Jennifer is sitting at home, crying, when she hears a noise outside. Someone is lurking on the sidewalk across the street, in a hat and trenchcoat. She mutters, “Rorschach,” grabs a frying pan and sneaks out the back. When she gets out there, the man’s gone. Then she’s grabbed from behind.

Laurie and Dan assault the prison in Dan’s owl ship. The special effects are pretty decent for the time, not quite up to the level of Ghostbusters II, but then this was produced in a hurry with the effects farmed out to several companies. Dream Quest Images did the owl ship sequences, while Boss Film did the climactic monster. Peter Kuran’s VCE did the glow effects for Dr. Manhattan.

Jailbreak!

While Laurie and Dan assault the prison, Big Figure tries to have Rorschach killed, but Rorschach ends up beating his thugs and then giving him a swirly.

Laurie, Dan and Rorschach decide to talk to Ozymandias one last time, but find him dead in his office. A door opens and Jennifer enters, held at gunpoint by… Moloch! His cancer was faked, as well as his murder. He has been behind the entire scheme: joining the ex-con rehabilitation program to get close to Ozymandias and drug him into submission, using Pyramid’s money and Ozzy’s scientific resources to summon an alien beast that will destroy New York City, and killing the Comedian when he learned too much.

Our heroes prepare to take down Moloch, but they hear the roar of the Lovecraftian horror outside, so Dan and Laurie go out to fight it in the owl ship.  Rorschach offers himself to Moloch in exchange for Jennifer’s safety, because he loves her. When Jennifer hears this, she regains her will to fight and knocks her father out.

Outside, the fight with the giant tentacled alien is not going well, when Dr. Manhattan appears. He zaps the monster with a radioactive beam that seems to set up some kind of chain reaction. The monster was actually a gigantic bomb that’s about to destroy the entire city! There’s no escape. They’ve lost.

The effects in the climax aren't horrible

Dr. Manhattan kisses Laurie and tells her he’ll take the monster to Mars, where it can blow up harmlessly. When Laurie begs him not to–he’ll die–he tells her he died a long time ago, only Laurie fooled him into thinking he was still alive. Now it’s time he accepted the death he’s been putting off for too long. With a tear in his eye, he teleports the monster away in a flash of light. This scene is the one most often cited as proving Schwarzenegger’s wrongness for the role, and granted, he doesn’t play it well. But it’s so cliched, I’m not sure anyone could have made it work as it was obviously intended.

Six months later, Rorschach and Nite Owl are fighting crime alongside the Silk Spectre–who is pregnant and starting to show–and Jennifer, who now wears a more form-fitting version of Rorschach’s costume and calls herself Mrs. Rorschach (because she and Rorschach are indeed married). Laurie tells Dan it’s time for her to hang up the costume and get ready to be a mother, at which Jennifer tells Rorschach she’s going to do the same thing. She’s pregnant too!

Nite Owl and Rorschach wonder where they’ll find costumes small enough for the kids as we fade out…

So overall, is the movie so bad that it should never have been released? It’s hard to say definitively. Yeah, with only a couple of exceptions, the performances and writing are below standard for pretty much everyone, and the changes to the plot of the graphic novel will enrage fans of the comic.

But if you can ignore the fact that it’s called Watchmen and watch it purely as a movie on its own terms,  it’s no worse than, say, Howard the Duck or The Golden Child. Which is not a ringing endorsement, but a way to say it has a certain polish and technical expertise, comparable to a lot of the middling comedies released during the 80’s. It’s not good, but it’s far from the Worst Film of All Time.

Posted in Super Movie Monday | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Out of the Vault – Superboy Starring the Legion of Super-Heroes

Posted on March 31, 2012 by Tony Frazier

So last week, we talked about a reprint book DC tried in the mid-70’s featuring the Legion of Super-Heroes. But why did they try to cash in with some cheap Legion reprints?

Because Superboy, which featured revolving back-up features including Dial H For Hero reprints and new stories of Superbaby, had been getting fan raves for their new tales of the Legion, written by Cary Bates and drawn by Murphy Anderson and rising star Dave Cockrum.

Yep, before he redefined Marvel’s X-Men, he did the same with another teen team, the Legion of Super-Heroes, starting with Superboy #184 (which he actually inked over Murphy Anderson’s pencils).

By issue #190, Cockrum was pencilling with Anderson inking, and by #193 (published the same month as the first issue of the Legion reprint book discussed last week), he was pencilling and inking and designing new costumes, like the ones here for Chameleon Kid, Shrinking Violet and Karate Kid.

It’s hard to overstate just how revolutionary Cockrum’s art was. The naturalistic poses, the dense details, the beautifully varied textures (people often forget just how good an inker Cockrum was), all immediately grabbed your attention. And even moreso applied to the Legion of Super-Heroes, who had been some of the most stiffly drawn, boringly designed characters ever.

And keep in mind that the Legion didn’t back up in every issue. So from the time Cockrum’s inks first appeared in issue #184 to the month that DC rushed its Legion of Super-Heroes reprint book onto the stands, there were only four Legion back-ups published. That’s how much heat he generated.

But the reaction to the reprint book was not happy. The readers who had been clamoring for a Legion title wanted it to be the new Legion, Cockrum’s legion. So after four issues, the reprint title was cancelled, and then DC did something unexpected: they gave the fans what they wanted.

Starting with issue #197, pictured above, the title of Superboy’s book became Superboy Starring the Legion of Super-Heroes. The stories of Clark Kent’s teen years in Smallville were discontinued (with the exception of one inventory story that was used as a back-up that first month) and the book became all Legion.

And now, just because I can, a few more examples of why we all suddenly loved the Legion.

Cockrum took interesting chances with layouts and graphic effects. Nobody else at DC was doing stuff this daring.

His designs just exploded off the page. For spaceships, rather than draw the same boring Flash Gordon-esque ships everybody else was doing, he took designs similar to the Starship Enterprise, flattened them out and made them look even sleeker and more futuristic.

Or check out these futuristic weapons from issue #199…

Holy crap, ten-year-old me nearly wet my pants with joy when I saw that incredible cannon strapped to Star Boy’s torso. Not to mention Star Boy’s awesomely redesigned costume.

And speaking of costumes, Dave loved to redesign the women’s costumes. And like the spaceships, he seemed to take inspiration from the sexy costumes designed by Bill Theiss for Star Trek (the original series) and then just amp them up a little. And Cockrum loved to draw sexy women, as in this back-up story featuring Dream Girl, which gave him an excuse to draw almost an entire story with her in her skimpy nightgown.

But he also drew kick-ass action, with liberal application of Kirby dots, like in this climactic battle scene from issue #201, with ERG-1 (soon to be renamed Wildfire) battling the android Molecular Master.

Alas, it ended all too soon. Issue #202, the sixth full issue featuring the Legion and only Cockrum’s twelfth Legion story, was inked by newcomer Mike Grell. And starting in issue #203, Grell took over the art completely. Grell did some interesting things with layout and improved quickly, but his stiff figures and narrow lines never appealed to me.

Looking back at the issues now, I still think Cockrum was doing great work, although I have to laugh at villains like Starfinger. Seriously. So in that sense, I’m glad for both our sakes that Cockrum ended up moving to Marvel and doing the new X-Men.

The story doesn’t quite end there, though. In a last twist, Cockrum’s final story on his first X-Men run (in issue #107) featured the X-Men battling the Shi’ar Imperial Guard, who bore a distinct resemblance, both in costumes and powers, to the Legion, which was a welcome return for a Legion fan like myself.

But the story doesn’t end there, either. I just remembered, there was a final, final twist. We all know that John Byrne ended up replacing Cockrum on X-Men and taking the book to new heights of glory.  But what few people remember is that there was a fill-in issue, basically an inventory story, that ran in issue #106, while Cockrum was working on the massively complex battle in issue #107. And #106 was pencilled by Bob Brown, who had lost his job on Superboy when Cockrum’s Legion took over the title.

Posted in Out of the Vault | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Week 24.5 – UXM

Posted on March 30, 2012 by Tony Frazier

Previously: Twain was warned by Yi Fan’s servant, Ari, about the bald man. And now…

“Who is the bald man?” Twain asked.

“You don’t want to know,” Ari replied. “He’s evil. The scariest man I’ve ever seen.”

“Scarier than the Czar?”

Ari shook his head. “But the Czar is not a man. I wouldn’t call him a god, but he’s more than a man.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Twain said, feeling the crystal burn cold against his chest.

“But the bald man is crueler,” Ari said. “You don’t want to meet him, trust me.”

Twain looked away toward the distant ridge, barely visible through the canopy of foliage. “Okay, fine. Let’s go back.”

They walked back to the village together. Ari knew the area pretty well, but was a hopeless outdoorsman, stumbling over roots and flaling his way past low-hanging branches. “I guess you spend most of your time indoors, huh?” Twain asked.

“What are you talking about?” Ari said. “I’m a gardener.”

“Are you kidding me?” Twain asked. “You act like you’ve never seen plants before.”

“I keep the plants on the estate well-maintained. Not like this.” Ari looked around them with disgust. “This is all so… unkempt.”

“Fair enough,” Twain said. “I mentioned it because I hoped you could tell me the best way to get to the City of the Moon.”

“I’d ask the bald man to take me,” Ari said.

“Really?” Twain sounded skeptical. “I thought you said the bald man was evil and scary.”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]“But the Czar is not a man. I wouldn’t call him a god, but he’s more than a man.”[/blockquote]“He is,” Ari said. “Which is exactly the point. I would sooner talk to him than go there. Because it’s suicide!”

“You don’t know that,” Twain said.

“Why do you think it’s called the City of the Moon?” Ari asked. “What would happen to you if you were standing on the Moon right now?”

“I don’t know,” Twain said. “There’s no air, so I guess I would suffocate.”

“Exactly,” Ari said. “It’s a lifeless place, and so is the City of the Moon.”

“Okay, fine,” Twain said as they emerged from the trees to walk into the village. “You know, you really need to calm…”

A black sedan rounded a nearby corner and roared toward them.

“It’s him!” Ari said. “We’re dead!”

“Not yet,” Twain said. He shoved Ari toward a nearby house. “Find a place to hide. I’ll lead him away.”

Ari grabbed at him. “But the mistress said…”

Twain punched him hard in the jaw. Ari went down, and Twain ran. He didn’t like hitting the kid, but it should keep suspicion off him. Twain ducked through alleys and hurdled cars, trying to lose his pursuer before heading to Yi Fan’s estate.

But suddenly, the sedan was there in front of him. Twain tumbled over the hood.

The bald man got out, smiling. He said something in Russian that Twain didn’t understand. Twain took up a defensive stance, feeling the crystal throb against his chest. He would let his fists do the talking.

He heard a savage growl a second before something hit him in the back of the head. Everything went black.

What hit him? And what’s going on with Metalord and Digger? Join us next week for the answers in our next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here…

Posted in Run Digger Run | 2 Comments