Week 24.4 – UXM

Previously: Yi Fan left Twain alone with instructions not to go out. And now…

An hour later, Twain was hiking out of town toward the ridge where the City of the Moon was located. He had used the supplies in his bags to disguise himself as best he could. His hair was cropped short and dyed black, and he had darkened his skin. He wore the clothes the servants had given him, to blend in, and though he couldn’t completely disguise his height, he slumped and kept his knees flexed, which the baggy clothes concealed.

Walking like that was hell on the quads, though, so as soon as he was out of town, he faded into the trees, straightened up and started making better time.

He wouldn’t be able to make it all the way there and back before before Yi Fan returned, but today was mainly about learning the terrain between here and there. He would move faster on his next trip and do a proper recon of the site before trying to get in. He had been too impatient before. He wouldn’t make that mistake this time.

Something crackled behind him, and his hackles raised. He kept walking forward and resisted the urge to turn. He could hear a stream off to his left, so he headed that way. The trees would be thicker there.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]Twain grabbed him, spun him around and slammed him against the trunk. He jammed the slim handle of the steel baton into a very painful spot on the man’s neck…[/blockquote]He ducked into a grove of trees, flattened himself against the nearest trunk and listened. Footsteps crunched behind him, hurrying to catch up. Twain withdrew the baton from his right pocket as he slipped his finger into the brass knuckles in his left. AS the man following him stepped past the tree, Twain grabbed him, spun him around and slammed him against the trunk. He jammed the slim handle of the steel baton into a very painful spot on the man’s neck. “No, don’t hurt me!” the man babbled in Mandarin.

Twain recognized him: the servant who’d held onto him as Yi Fan was leaving that morning. He released his grip on the man.

“Why were you following me?” Twain asked.

“So we wouldn’t get killed,” the young man said, rubbing his neck.

“I thought there was a manhunt on for me,” Twain said. “Seems like next to me is the least safe place there is.”

“We were supposed to keep you from leaving,” the young man said. “But once we learned you’d gotten out, I had no choice but to follow you and try to convince you to come back.”

“And if I didn’t, you’d be killed.”

The young man looked down. “I don’t know what she’d do. She’s been acting strangely for a while now. Which is why you’ve got to come back with me right now!”

“Hang on, back up,” Twain said. “Let’s take a breath here. Okay, first, what’s your name?”

“Kipchak Ariunbold,” the man said. “Everyone calls me Ari.”

“Okay, Ari, I’m Twain. And I promise I’ll go back, just as soon as…”

“No!” Ari shouted. “You’ve got to come back now, or the bald man will catch you and kill you!”

Who is the bald man? Be here tomorrow for our next episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 24.3 – UXM

Previously: Twain decided to speak to the servants to learn Yi Fan’s secrets, but ended up scaring one practically to death. And now…

The man threw a panicked glance at Yi Fan, then fled the building with the tray.

“Why would you scare him like that?” Yi Fan asked.

“Because I didn’t know it would scare him like that,” Twain said. “Why did it?”

Yi Fan shook her head, as if the question were not worth the time it would take to answer. “I’m going to be gone most of the day, but I’ll try to be back before dinner. We can work up an appetite together.”

“You mean, you want to…” Twain didn’t finish the sentence, not sure how to say “have sex” in a way that wouldn’t offend her. “After just one kiss with some other version of me?”

Yi Fan blushed and half-turned away. “No! I meant I want you to teach me the style you used to fight those men. You know…”

She did a passable version of one of his chi kung moves, much better than she should have been able to after seeing it only in passing in a single fight. “Okay,” Twain said. “And what do I get in return?”

“I’m giving you shelter,” she said. “That’s what you get in return.”

“No,” Twain said and saw her tense up. Spoiled rich girl, used to getting her own way. “I didn’t ask for shelter. You insisted I stay here, so I stayed. My presence here is your payment for shelter.”

“So what is it you want?” Yi Fan asked.

“Information,” Twain said. “About the City of…”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”] As Yi Fan reached it, a man got out–white, bald, with a sly smile and cold eyes, like a snake…[/blockquote]A servant ran in–younger than the others, in his mid-20’s–and babbled something that sounded urgent. Yi Fan barked a reply, then turned to Twain. “I have to leave earlier than I thought. Stay hidden until I am gone.”

She strode out the door, leaving the panicked servant inside with Twain. He shut the door and stood guard in front of it, obviously terrified that Twain might try to push out past him. Twain went to the window instead. The man gave a frightened yelp and grabbed Twain to keep him from climbing out, but Twain merely looked through it.

Through the trees, he saw a black sedan idling in front of the mansion. As Yi Fan reached it, a man got out–white, bald, with a sly smile and cold eyes, like a snake. He snapped her a bow, which she returned, and then they both got in the sedan, which drove away.

The frightened servant held on to Twain for at least a full minute after the car was gone. Twain was finally able to shrug out of the man’s grip and muttered, “Who the hell is that guy?”

“Don’t ask,” said the servant in accented Mandarin.

“You speak Chinese,” Twain said.

“I can’t talk to you,” the man said, stepping toward the door. “Someone will bring food in a few hours.”

“What am I supposed to do while I’m waiting?” Twain asked.

“Sit still,” the man said. “And don’t cause trouble, if you value your life.”

What is Yi Fan’s secret? And why is she so interested in Twain’s fighting style? Did we change genres all of a sudden? Be here tomorrow for our next episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 24.2 – UXM

Previously: Twain was hiding out in Yi Fan’s shed, both unaware of their secret agendas for each other. And now…

She came in early the next morning, smiling. “I have some things for you,” she said.

She gestured to the men outside. One came in and handed Twain a fresh change of clothing. “Since your luggage was lost with your car,” she explained.

The other man came in bearing a tray that he set on the floor beside Twain’s bedroll. There was a plate with scrambled eggs, only brown, and two strips of bacon. Beside the plate was a glass of orange juice. On the other side of the plate was a metal fork. Twain looked up at Yi Fan, who smiled proudly. “Western style, yes?”

“Yes,” Twain said.

“Eat and get changed,” she said. “I’ll be back in twenty minutes and we can talk a bit before I go.”

Twain tried the eggs. They weren’t entirely Western style, cooked in oil and soy sauce rather than butter. Still, they weren’t bad. Twain considered as he ate.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]But now it felt more like a land mine that he had stepped on. He was safe until he tried to step off.[/blockquote]The real reason he had come back the night before was that he had realized the nature of the trap he was in. He had thought it was a pitcher plant, tempting him in with the promise of safety and perhaps even love, only to kill him once he was inside. But now it felt more like a land mine that he had stepped on. He was safe until he tried to step off.

To get out of the trap, he had to solve the riddle of Yi Fan.

Yi Fan had seemed genuinely proud of the breakfast she’d served, but it had also been another display of her father’s wealth and influence. Or was it her father’s? Marching servants out to the shed bearing trays of food was not the act of someone hiding his presence from someone else on the grounds. Was it possible that this estate was hers alone? She was young and female in a society that valued neither.

Perhaps her parents were both dead. But then why was she not living with other relatives or married off? She was still pretty, even with the scar, and she was rich. She must have had many offers. Perhaps there was some sort of truth to her story of a curse.

He needed to find out more about her, things she would be unwilling to tell him herself, which meant he needed to talk to her servants. But how could he converse with them? He didn’t speak Mongolian, so unless some of the servants spoke Mandarin, had maybe come from China with her family, he would be up a creek. He finished his breakfast and slipped the fork under his bedroll, then changed clothes.

Yi Fan came in a few minutes later, with a servant who bent to take the tray.

“Hold on,” Twain said in Mandarin and bent to pick the fork up off the floor. As he set it on the tray he asked in a whisper, “What’s your name?”

The servant only stared back at him, plainly terrified.

Why is he so scared? Find out more in our next suspenseful episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 24.1 – UXM

Previously: Metalord defied Chinese authorities to help Digger escape, while Twain had discovered there was more to Yi Fan than met the eye. And now…

Scaling the wall to get back into the compound wasn’t easy, but Twain had cleared bigger hurdles before. Not long after he was back inside, Yi Fan entered the shed. “What made you come back?” she asked.

“Come back?” Twain asked. “But you said not to leave.”

“I know what I said,” Yi Fan replied. “Just because the servants are old, do not assume they are blind. Or stupid. You left, but came right back. Why?”

Twain shrugged. “I decided you were more interesting than I thought. Did I really tell you I loved you?”

Yi Fan’s eyes narrowed. “Yes.”

“How did that happen exactly?” Twain asked. “Where was it?”

“In the hills, near…” She shook her head. “I ran across you, and when you saw me, you embraced me and kissed me and said you loved me.”

“And how much time did we spend together?”

“A few minutes,” she said. “Then you said you had something you needed to do, and you left.”

“A few minutes?” Twain asked. “You’re risking your life to help me because of one kiss?”

“It was a good kiss.” She blushed and turned away. One hand lifted toward her scar. “No one has ever…”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]“You’re risking your life to help me because of one kiss?” “It was a good kiss.”[/blockquote]“You’ve never been kissed before? Because of the scar?”

She nodded. “People are afraid of it. There’s a curse.”

“Oh my God, it’s like going back to the Stone Age,” Twain muttered. “So you’re helping me because you’re hoping I’ll feel for you the way the other me did.”

“Yes,” she said. “I can keep you safe, and maybe, while we wait for the search to cool off, we can discover what’s supposed to happen together.”

“Okay,” Twain said. “I’d like that. Then let’s start over. What do you want to do first?”

“Sleep,” she said, turning toward the door. “I’ll come see you tonorrow, and then we can talk.”

Twain smiled and nodded until the door closed behind her. Then he turned out the lamp and went to the window.He stood in the shadow, out of the light coming in through the window and studied the trees and grounds for long minutes. Then he did the same from the other side. And after ten minutes, he saw it: a slight movement just to the side of a tree trunk. He focused just to the side of the area, and after another long wait, finally could make out the contour of a head and shoulder: the watcher Yi Fan had posted.

Now that Twain had the watcher made, he could devise a plan to get past him unseen.

But not tonight. Tonight, he would stay in the trap, so that maybe Yi Fan would think he believed her nonsense story about helping him because of a kiss.

***

Yi Fan brushed her long hair in front of a mirror, trying not to stare at the way the light glittered in her white streak. With any luck, Twain wouldn’t realize her true reason for helping him until it was too late.

What is Yi Fan’s secret agenda? Join us tomorrow for out next episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Super Movies – The Incredible Hulk, Part 1

Please excuse the screencaps in this one. I only have the fullscreen version of this one, so no widescreen goodness for you.

Last week, we concluded our recap of Ang Lee’s Hulk. And though the critical reception was pretty lukewarm, the  film made enough money to make a second film featuring the Hulk seem like a good idea. As long as it wasn’t Ang Lee’s Hulk. No dwelling on childhood traumas, no slow contemplative pace, no weird conceptual ending featuring Hulk fighting a lake. No Hulk dogs. NO LICHEN!

And so, in 2008, we got a completely retooled Hulk universe. New Bruce, new Betty, new General Ross, new Hulk. What wasn’t new: the concept.

Because The Incredible Hulk was not so much an adaptation of the comic as a feature film update of the TV series created by Kenneth Johnson and starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno with some comic book elements spliced in.

You know from the first moment of the opening credits that this will be a completely different Hulk. Instead of Danny Elfman’s bright strings, there is a deep booming chord that connotes bestial power. But like Ang Lee’s film, The Incredible Hulk uses the opening credits to tell backstory.

Only this time, instead of starfish getting their legs cut off, we see Edward Norton as Bruce Banner in the tilty seat with the green crosshairs on his head, as in the opening credits of the TV series, complete with flashing red DANGER light. Banner changes into the Hulk during the experiment and destroys the lab, injuring Betty and General Ross in the process.

Like the TV series, he becomes a fugitive, trying to evade capture while searching for a cure to his condition. We also see our first subtle nods to the larger comic book universe, with Stark Industries blueprints, a memo to Nick Fury, and mention of known associates Doc Samson and Rick Jones.

But in one of the few nods to the Ang Lee movie, Bruce Banner is in Brazil as the film opens (he was in a South American jungle at the close of the last film) and he still has a beard. He lives in this amazing slum city.

This is followed by another nod to the TV series, as he clicks past The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, an earlier Bill Bixby series, on his way to watch Sesame Street (to help him learn Portuguese). He’s also trying to learn how to control his emotional responses by learning Gracie Jiu Jitsu with martial arts legend Rickson Gracie.

As in the TV series, he takes whatever temporary work he can get, like working day labor at a soft drink factory, refusing to go permanent even when the owner offers. His co-worker is hot Brazilian babe Martina, but even though it looks as if romance might be in the air, it never goes anywhere.

Especially after Bruce accidentally bleeds into one of the empty bottles about to be filled and almost gets into a fight with another of Martina’s suitors. There’s a little labored humor built around Banner trying to deliver the “Don’t make me angry” line in Portuguese.

Meanwhile, in America, General Thunderbolt Ross (William Hurt) gets a report about a man suffering gamma sickness after drinking a Brazilian soda. Cue the Stan Lee cameo.

Ross puts together a team to go to Brazil. He gets a special elite addition to the team, a Royal Marine on loan to SOCOM named Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth). When Blonsky asks if Banner is a fighter, Ross lists a string of incidents he is involved in, including the possible death of two Canadian hunters, which for comics fans could be an oblique reference to Incredible Hulk #181, the Hulk/Wendigo battle in Canada that introduced Wolverine.

Bruce meanwhile has been communicating with a certain Mr. Blue on ways to cure his radiation poisoning. He tries a serum from a certain rare Brazilian flower, but it doesn’t work. Mr. Blue says he has a possible cure, but he needs more complete data, which Bruce doesn’t have. He knows where to get it, though.

The team assaults Banner’s apartment, but his dog has alerted him, so he escapes downstairs into Martina’s apartment. No time for love, Dr. Banner! She hides him until the soldiers leave, but Blonsky spots him in the street and it’s a parkour chase across the rooftops! He temporarily eludes the soldiers, but runs first into Ross, and then into the bald-headed dude from work who hates him! FBBL!

Everybody ends up in the soft drink factory, where Bruce is cornered by the thugs and punched just as he’s noticing the Special Forces operators taking up position. Bixby eyes!

The thugs go flying, and the soldiers start shooting. The thing that was Banner stomps through the shadows undeterred until someone throws a grenade. And then the thing says “Leave me alone,” very quietly, like he’s very tired. Does this mean the Hulk will actually talk in this one? Not so much, no. Blonsky finally gets a glimpse of the thing’s face before he gets away.

The CGI Hulk in this one is different from the first film: more striations in the muscles, more veins, more gray than bright green. There is an amazing close-up of his foot where you can see the ridges that make up the thumbprint on his big toe. But I wouldn’t say he’s more realistic than the other Hulk. Just unrealistic in a different way. And aside from the scar on Ed Norton’s cheek being echoed on the Hulk, he once again looks nothing like the actor playing Banner, no more than Ferrigno looked like Bixby.

Anyway, General Ross is not happy when the Hulk escapes. Bruce comes to in a peaceful glade beside a waterfall. In Guatemala. Which, BTW, is not Brazil, so the Hulk did some traveling. And to the strains of the “Lonely Man” theme from the Incredible Hulk TV series, Banner begs in the street for money to buy food and new clothes to replace the ones he tore up. This is just pitiful, and a brief moment of real misery in a film that is otherwise full of amped-up comic-book silliness.

But of course, we can’t have a TV series reference without a comic book reference, so Banner is looking at purple pants once he gets some money.

Meanwhile, Ross is filling in Blonsky on Banner’s background, which the script ties in to a certain super-soldier research program initiated in WWII.

And even though they said Blonsky was a Royal Marine, he’s wearing an American uniform with American rank and a whole lot of fruit salad. Ross hints that he can juice Blonsky up a bit to help in the fight.

Two weeks later, and Bruce is in Virginia (crossing the border was apparently easy as pie). He’s at Culver University, trying to get the data Mr. Blue says he needs to finalize a cure. He gets a job with a pizza guy who knew him back in the day, and uses the pizza to bribe a university guard into letting him in. The guard is Lou Ferrigno, in a double nod to TV series (Hulk) and Ang Lee movie (security guard cameo), because the Zak Penn script is so full of in-jokes and references that they have to double up.

Bruce gets into the computer lab and bribes another guy with more pizza (who is chewing even though his slice hasn’t had a bite taken out of it yet) and logs in as Betty, but the records have been deleted. No data for Mister Blue. But then Bruce runs into Betty (Liv Tyler) at the pizza place…

She takes him back to her place and gives him a copy of the data she has kept on a flash drive.

Meanwhile General Ross is using a version of the old super-soldier formula (the one that was used to create Captain America in the later film) to turn Blonsky into a fighting machine.

Betty is walking Bruce across campus to the bus station when Bruce notices soldiers. He runs, and the soldiers chase him. He ducks out of sight long enough to swallow the flash drive, then is trapped in glassed-in walkway, where they try to gas him. Which might have worked if he hadn’t seen a soldier tackling Betty, which makes him angry. And so…

Ominous!

To be concluded…

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Out of the Vault – Legion of Super Heroes

Many kids of my generation tended to choose one comics company over another. Most of my friends who read comics as kids were Marvel fans, for instance, while I avoided Marvel after my early experiences with it, until I was 12 anyway.

I liked DC Comics. The stories were usually more self-contained, their characters were on TV more, they had awesome covers (usually by Neal Adams or Nick Cardy, who did the cover on the right), and some of the best artists in the trade did interiors, like Adams (again), Jim Aparo, and the Swan/Anderson team.

But there were some downsides to DC, and this title, Legion of Super-Heroes, exemplifies one of them. Cover-dated February 1973, the book consisted entirely of reprints of adventures published years earlier. And the DC style in the late 50’s and early 60’s was quaint, to put it mildly.

Issue #1 of Legion of Super-Heroes reprinted “The Lad Who Wrecked the Legion,” a pretty typical Legion tale. There are no credits, but the art is pretty obviously by Jim Mooney.

The Legion of Super-Heroes was a concept I liked, although it was never developed very well. It was basically a big club of teenagers with super-powers. more diverse and weird than the Justice League (and by diverse, I mean power-wise–except for Brainiac 5 and Chameleon Kid, the Legionnaires were all white). They had more members than the League, but then again, their standards were lower. They had to be, with members like Bouncing Boy and Matter-Eater Lad.

But their stories were boring. “The Lad Who Wrecked the Legion” was typical. It opens with Superboy (who would travel into the future sometimes to have adventures with the Legion, though he could never remember them when he returned to the past) seeing a young man foil a bank robbery by scaring the robbers with mental illusions. Superboy talks to the young man, who says his name is Command Kid.

Superboy introduces Command Kid to some of the other Legionnaires, and they invite Command Kid to join while demonstrating their own powers or just standing around describing themselves.

That construction foreman is awfully happy about all the men put out of work by the three “heroes.” Then again, he’s saving payroll. Not to mention the fact that even though the park is finished, there are no employees to run it. Then again, maybe it’s a completely automated robot park. Yeah, I want to be first one through the automatic death park built by three teenagers with no construction expertise.

Command Kid joins the Legion, but his massive ego soon rubs the other Legionnaires the wrong way. And soon after, the three mightiest members of the Legion begin to argue.

Ah yes, the Fake-Out cover, depicting a hero acting completely out of character, which usually turns out to be either a ruse, an illusion, or a fantasy. This was another DC tradition, so common that it inspired a whole website.

And this is where it gets really stupid. Although Command Kid has been alienating everybody with his ego and his aversion to gold, they Legionnaires instantly believe him when he says he has a device which can enhance their powers. So even though he has provided no proof, they willingly allow themselves to be put into suspended animation.

Because the Legionnaires are stupid.

But Element Lad and Saturn Girl show up just in time to save the Legion by turning the control console to gold, which is Command Kid’s weakness. And a man who looks uncannily like William Shakespeare explains that Command Kid has been possessed by an extra-dimensional demon, and his machine was designed to possess the other Legionnaires.

But perhaps the strangest thing about the early Legion stories is that they were obviously reacting to the Marvel phenomenon, toying with things like continuity and shocking character developments, but in the gently boring DC fashion. So, for instance, Lightning Lad was once thought dead, and also lost an arm, appearing in subsequent stories with a mechanical arm.

Or this story, “The Weirdo Legionnaire”, originally published in Adventure #341 and reprinted in Legion of Super-Heroes #4. The conclusion of a two-parter published the month before, in which Brainiac 5 accidentally built a super-computer who decided to take over the world by building an army of other super-computer robots, this story features the shocking on-panel death of Triplicate Girl.

The surviving Legionnaires retreat to mourn Triplicate Girl and build a super-rocket that sucks in the disintegrated particles of Triplicate Girl and carries them off to Shanghalla, the super-hero graveyard asteroid.

Of course, they have to defuse the solemn moment by making an unfunny joke about another super-woman dying by slipping on a banana peel. Seriously, lower left. And why the hell did they kill off Hate Face without ever showing him in action?

The mourning ends completely when Triplicate Girl shows up on the next page, saying that only one of her three selves was killed, so everyone should just call her Duo Damsel now. Yay!

The Legion finally defeats Computo the Conqueror with a strange device Brainiac 5 has salvaged from the long-abandoned Bat-Cave. It summons (or creates) a mindless Anti-Matter Force-Thing, which shoots bolts of anti-matter that destroy everything they touch (and though the Legionnaires look as boring as ever in this story, Curt Swan and George Klein draw a pretty bad-ass looking Force-Thing, like an explosion with tentacles of fire). Damn, even before Frank Miller, Batman didn’t play. Brainiac 5 barely figures out how to turn the thing off before it can destroy the world.

The back-up feature was a late 50’s-early 60’s science-fiction feature starring Tommy Tomorrow of the Planeteers. Apparently written by Otto Binder and illustrated by Mooney (again), “The Riddle of the Space Rainbow” is typical 60’s DC science-fiction, except that Tommy Tomorrow was one of the least futuristic science-fiction series ever. For instance, in this story, Tommy gets roped into doing a TV special (sorry, space TV special) which revolves around his spaceship being painted different colors. Because color is a novelty on space TV, you see.

But in fact, it’s all a hoax! The number-one cop in the galaxy has been fooled into appearing on a bogus TV show by a guy with a fake mustache and a wooden camera!

And why? Because giant other-dimensional alien “space fishermen” like to grab colorful objects from our universe through a hole between our dimensions–with a net. You know, like you do.

Tommy gets captured, but manages to escape and seals the hole with an atomic hand grenade. Because you really want to trust this guy with one of those.

In other issues, Tommy defeated a gang of criminals using old Earth toys (a baseball, a kite and a squirt gun, specifically) and outwitted a band of space smugglers with a foil-lined hat after figuring out an important clue.

Yes, seriously: their odometer was off!

After four issues, the DC experiment with Legion reprints was abandoned. The question is, why did they do it in the first place? I mean, yes, the book cost practically nothing beyond having new covers drawn up plus printing, but DC had lots of titles they could reprint cheaply. Why this one in particular?

The answer next week.

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Week 23.5 – China

Previously: the Chinese official who met Metalord and Digger at the Shanghai airport told them they were under arrest. And now…

“You’re arresting us?” Tiffany yelled. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh, but I most certainly am, my dear,” the official said. “You are trespassing on sovereign Chinese soil, and we can’t have that.”

“You’re making a mistake,” Metalord said.

“We’ll see.”

“Okay, but seriously…” Metalord pointed one finger at the sky. “You might want to look at that thing over your head before you make a final decision.”

The official’s sly smile grew even wider. “You can’t be serious. Are you truly trying to fool us into looking up so you can try to get away? We both know there’s nothing up there.”

Metalord shrugged and laughed. “Yeah, okay, you’re right. There’s noth…”

Suddenly, the guns tore from the airport policemen’s hands and flew straight up into the air.

“Woops, looks like we were both wrong,” Metalord said. “There is something up there after all.”

“You think this is funny?” the official snapped, all trace of sardonic humor gone now. “Return their weapons immediately!”

“Sure,” Metalord said.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]“What are you doing?” the official shouted. “Don’t you realize that by defying me, you defy all of China?” “China can kiss my ass…”[/blockquote]Suddenly, the policemen were yanked into the air by their belt buckles. They flew up around 100 feet to hover next to their weapons.

“What are you doing?” the official shouted. “Don’t you realize that by defying me, you defy all of China?”

“China can kiss my ass,” Metalord said.

“But you can’t win,” the official spluttered, red-faced.

“It’s not a matter of winning or losing,” Metalord said. “It’s a matter of, is it worth millions of dollars in damage and untold lives endangered, when you could save all that just by letting me go to Mongolia? Then I can be the Czar’s problem.”

“We cannot tolerate open defiance,” the official said.

“You’re gonna’,” Metalord said. “Look, I gave you that letter as a courtesy, not to ask permission. And you rudely destroyed my treasured personal possession, which is not a good idea when you’re talking to a guy who can electrocute you with his mind.”

Electricity crackled around Metalord’s helmet, and then lightning arced out from his face to the nearest jeep, which exploded spectacularly. The official dove away from the fireball.

Metalord turned to Digger. The visor on his helmet flipped up by itself. “Do you think those powers of yours can hotwire that guy’s car?”

“So we can add Grand Theft Auto to the list of charges?” Digger asked.

“It’s China,” Metalord said. “It’s not like they need evidence to charge us with shit.”

“I see your point.”

“Get the girls to the hotel,” Metalord said. “I’ll meet up with you later.”

“Okay.” Digger hustled the girls and their luggage to the official’s sedan as the official stood by, his face growing redder by the moment.

Once Digger was away, the official asked, “Now what?”

Metalord looked up and smiled. “Now the really fun part begins.”

The soldiers and their weapons were suddenly surrounded by glowing icosahedrons, which had the effect of shielding them from Metalord’s magnetic force. They fell to the ground and rolled like a handful of game dice.

What’s happening now? Could there perhaps be superheroes in China? Join us Monday for another exciting chapter of Run, Digger, Run!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 23.4 – China

Previously: Cole avoided being shot down by a Chinese fighter jet as their plane entered Chinese airspace. And now…

Ten minutes later, Digger stepped out onto the roof of the car Metalord had levitated up to the door of the plane. He was already sweating in the blue jumpsuit Cole had made him put on–one of Cortex’s spare outfits. Behind him, Amanda’s ample curves bulged against one of Migi’s too-small bodysuits, while Tiffany looked absolutely regal in Boon’s white robe.

Ahead of them, Metalord–in full armor–turned and said, “Remember, let me do the talking.”

“You’re the only one who speaks Chinese, dude,” Digger said. “Not a problem.”

Metalord lowered the car back onto the tarmac not far from a row of small hangars. Digger stepped down and helped Amanda and Tiffany to the ground. He heard a distant roar and saw a couple of jeeps bearing some sort of airport police come around a corner toward them. A dark sedan followed.

Metalord stepped forward to meet the cars, pulling the precious letter from inside his breastplate. When Digger had first seen Metalord in the armor, he had assumed it was some sort of medieval replica. But in fact, there were no straps or anything to hold it on. Every plate adhered to his body by his own magnetic force.

The military police got out brandishing automatic rifles. They surrounded the small group as a young, sly-looking man in a very expensive-looking suit emerged from the back seat of the sedan. “Hello,” he said in perfect English, with a slight British accent. “You are the Defcon 5, yes?”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]“It is indeed an honor to meet an official hero of the People’s Republic. Were you under the impression that this would somehow obviate the need for a flight plan and proper passports?”[/blockquote]“Just Defcon 5,” Digger said.

Metalord turned and looked back at him, annoyed. Then he turned back to the Chinese official. “Sorry for the confusion,” he said. “Our plane ran out of fuel, so I had to keep it in the air magnetically. It interfered with our radio communications. We didn’t mean to cause a problem.”

“Well, I’m sure something can be worked out,” the official said. “Unfortunately, I also could not find any record of a flight plan, which should have been filed with us in advance. Could I see your papers, please?”

“Of course,” Metalord said and offered the folded letter.

“What is this?” the official asked.

“Read it and find out,” Metalord said.

The man did as requested. His lips pursed, and then he looked back up at Metalord with a sly smile. As he refolded the letter, he said, “It is indeed an honor to meet an official hero of the People’s Republic. Were you under the impression that this would somehow obviate the need for a flight plan and proper passports?”

“Of course,” Metalord said. “I mean, that’s signed by the Premier himself. Those don’t just grow on trees.”

“No, they certainly do not,” said the official. He tore the paper in half, then tore the pieces again. “Unfortunately for you, the man who signed this letter is no longer Premier, and possession of documents bearing his signature is a criminal offense. So I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to come along peacefully.”

So Digger’s trip to China is over almost before it has begun? Come on, you don’t believe that, do you? Be here tomorrow for the next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 23.3 – China

Previously: While flying Digger to China, Cole announced that they had company. And now…

“How do you know?” Digger asked, following.

“You think I would be able to control metal at a distance without being able to sense it?” Cole opened the cockpit door. “Especially over the ocean like this. No metal for miles, and then suddenly, boom, something headed right for us.”

Digger climbed into the copilot seat as Metalord climbed into the pilot’s chair. “A missile?”

“Interceptor, more likely,” Cole said. “They want to know what’s coming into their yard before they decide to shoot it down or not.”

Digger smelled Amanda’s hair a moment before she pressed up against the back of his chair. “There it is,” she said and pointed.

Digger looked and sure enough, there was a plane coming toward them. It flashed past on the right, a blur that Digger assumed was a Chinese fighter. “What should we do?”

“Relax,” Cole said, his eyes distant. “He’s coming around to get a better look.”

The plane matched speed with them on the left not long after. It was gray and stealth-contoured, with a red star prominently displayed on the tail. “What now?” Digger asked.

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”right”]The fighter pulled its nose up slightly and dropped back, out of sight. “Which means his next move will be to get behind us and lock missiles on target.”[/blockquote]“Well, now is the tricky part,” Cole said. “See, right now, he’s probably radioing us to identify ourselves or else leave Chinese airspace. Problem is, levitating the plane magnetically like this completely screws up the radio. So I can’t talk to him even if I had an answer he would like.”

“Which means…”

The fighter pulled its nose up slightly and dropped back, out of sight. “Which means his next move will be to get behind us and lock missiles on target.”

“He’s going to shoot us down?” Tiffany asked.

“No, of course not,” Cole said. “I just have to explain to him what he’s dealing with, that’s all.”

“And how are you going to do that without a radio?” Digger asked.

Cole smiled. Digger felt the plane bank, although that wasn’t exactly right. It was rotating while still traveling in the same direction. Moments later, they were looking at the fighter jet straight ahead of them as their plane flew in reverse. “Now does he panic or…?”

Cole’s question was cut off by a gush of smoke from each wing as missiles launched toward them. Cole lifted his hands and the missiles held position just shy of the plane, their engines still geysering smoke. Cole twirled his fingers, and the missiles rotated in mid-air to aim back at the fighter, which veered off quickly. Cole released the missiles and they shot away from the plane, veering like drunks trying to walk a straight line with no targets to lock on.

As Cole rotated the plane back to face forward again, Digger asked, “Do you think that was really helpful?”

“Why not?” Cole asked. “I protected us from harm while demonstrating no harmful intent.”

“No harmful intent?” Amanda asked. “You pointed missiles at him.”

“Hey, I was just offering to return his property,” Cole said. “Strap in. We’ve got land on the horizon. We’ll be there soon.”

Will they receive the hero’s welcome Cole anticipates? Or might something possibly go wrong? How likely is that? Join us for the next exciting episode and find out!

To read from the beginning, click here

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Week 23.2 – China

Previously:  Digger survived a power failure and near crash on Defcon 5’s plane, only to discover it was caused by Metalord losing control of his powers during sex. And now…

Digger’s ears popped as the plane gained altitude after a third brief shutdown in as many hours. The door to the rear section of the plane opened, and Cole walked in, wearing a robe. “Hey,” he said as he turned toward the galley.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me,” Digger said. “I’m starting to reconsider this whole trip.”

“Is there a problem?” Cole asked as he pulled two beers from the mini-fridge in the galley.

“Yes, there’s a problem,” Digger said. “This whole flight is a problem. What the hell are you thinking?”

“Do you not like Amanda?” Cole asked. “Because I thought you would like her. She’s really good.”

“No, Amanda’s fine. That’s not…” Digger sighed. “Is this what you think heroes do? You have people who look up to you.”

“Are you really Digger?” Cole asked. “Because the last I heard, Digger drinks a lot and hates people. I mean, I saw your interview in Phoenix.”

“Wait a second, you’re the Digger?” Amanda asked.

Digger rubbed his forehead. “I was having a bad night.”

[blockquote type=”blockquote_quotes” align=”left”]“Beer and prostitutes on the Party Plane is a sacred trust?”[/blockquote]“Oh, I’m not judging,” Cole said. “I was right there with you. I’m just surprised anybody was actually dumb enough to say it out loud. But that guy would not be talking to me like this now.”

“That guy became the world’s hero,” Digger said. “It changes your perspective.”

“No, seriously, you’re the Digger? The one who saved the world?” Amanda asked. “Where’s your things?”

“Long story. And I’m not the issue. He’s the issue.” Digger pointed at Cole. “Do you seriously behave this way? What if the story came out? What would your fans think?”

“What, you think I’m worried about my fans being disillusioned?” Cole said. “I’m doing this for them. It’s like a sacred trust.”

“Jeez, if I’d known you were the Digger, I might have done you for free,” Amanda said.

“Beer and prostitutes on the Party Plane is a sacred trust?” Digger asked. “Smuggling whatever past customs is a sacred trust?”

“Yes,” Cole said. “Look, we can do things that most people only fantasize about, right? Well, I can, anyway. They look at someone like me, and they’re all, ‘Dude, if I could do those things, my life would be so cool.’ Right?”

“I guess,” Digger said.

“People want to be like us–well, like me–because they think that if they could do what I do, they could have as much fun as they wanted, indulge every whim and fantasy. Life with my powers would be a non-stop party,” Cole said. “So for the sake of all those people who wish they could be me, but can’t, it’s almost like it’s my duty to have as much fun as possible. You think I want to be up here partying with hot women all night?”

“Yes,” Digger said.

“Exactly,” Cole replied. “Because it’s fun. That’s my duty. That’s my curse.”

Cole’s silvery eyes took on a distant look before Digger could reply. “We’ve got company,” he said and headed for the cockpit.

What’s happening now? Join us tomorrow for our next exciting episode!

To read from the beginning, click here

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